valentine's weekend, the sober version

ok, update to my drunken ramblings from the other night:

First off, pictures!



I only dyed the front of my hair because I wasn't sure how the purple would take over the reddish-brown, and I hate bleaching my hair unless I absolutely have to. But I think it turned out well, so I may add more. Also in the second pic, you can see one of the shirts I bought on clearance. (The other one is exactly the same, but black.) I love Express, and I love clearance sales, and I love coupons. That is all.

(And because I love to coordinate colors, I painted my nails to match my hair. They don't perfectly match though, because my nails are sparkly and my hair is not. But if they made sparkly hair dye, I would be all over that.)



Speaking of clearance sales, the bookstore in the mall was having a whopper of a clearance sale. Our attention was drawn to the $1 calendars. Yes, it's mid-February and I didn't have 2009 calendars yet. So what? We picked out Star Trek and pictures from the Hubble telescope. Yeah, Jay and I are nerds. But you knew that already. Also, there was a box of books marked 90% off. I couldn't resist, and walked out with 3 new books - The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde, 1000 Arabian Nights, and Gulliver's Travels by Jonathan Swift. I could have gotten more, but I couldn't remember if I had the other ones already. These ones I knew I didn't. All in all, we got 2 calendars and 3 books for $4. That ruled.

After my near murderous encounter with the chick not interested in selling me a new phone, I went online and made my order. Starting tomorrow, I will be the proud new owner of an LG Voyager. It's got a touch screen AND a keyboard. Also, at some point I will be able to upgrade my plan so I can do internetty stuff on my phone, and when I do that I won't need to buy a new phone.

So that's it. I know this post made more sense than the last one. BUT this one took me about 1/10 the time to write, as there was no rum involved. Oh! Also, I forgot to mention that I had a bit of a hangover yesterday morning from that aforementioned rum. It was the first time in many many years that I threw up (especially from drinking). It could have been worse though, because the only thing that actually came back up was the ibuprofen I'd taken an hour earlier. Then my tummy hurt for about 15 minutes, and then I was fine. Like I said, coulda been worse.

birthdays, bats, and bites

(as always, click on the pictures to make them bigger)

Friday the 13th: My bday celebrations begun by going to see Craig Ferguson perform live. Surprisingly, we and the people next to us were the youngest people in the whole crowd. I didn't realize the host of a show that starts at 12:30am had so many gray-haired fans. But it was mucho fun - it felt just like we were at home watching on tv except that he was cussing and wearing more casual clothing than a suit. Also, he did a lot of mocking at some loudmouth lady in the front row. See, here's a picture of him doing that:


It's not the best picture, because my camera doesn't like to zoom in on things in the dark. Also because Jay was interrupted by theater staff threatening to take my camera away (and telling us to keep our feet and drinks off the banister). So blame them.

But it was a good show, and if you get the chance I highly recommend seeing Mr. Craig Ferg in person. Tip: Buy the tickets from the venue so you don't have to pay a huge service charge like we did.

Next morning was Saturday, Flag Day, June 14, the best day ever. I woke up and finally got to get at that pile of presents that's been accumulating and taunting me, thanks to my loving and wonderful boyfriend. Lookie lookie:


Yeah that's right - I can now turn on the magic of colored lights. And even though my job is completely un-Office Space-like, I now have a red stapler that may someday lead to the burning down of a building. And if you look closely, you might think that this collection is for someone less than half my age. However, they are all for me, because even though I am now in my late twenties (yeah, shutup people older than me, I know), Jay knows that I still love things that are fun. I also got this:


Jay tried to find one that said "The Internets are gonna hear about this!" but that would require having it custom made. So now fairly warned be thee, says I.

*And* I also got this from my dear friend Emma:


Both these shirts are consistent with my (newly instituted) mantra to only wear t-shirts that state the truth.

I should mention here that my bday is also Mecrutio's bday. So as I tore open my gifts, I tossed the wrapping paper down to the cat. He played with it for a bit, and then went for a day-long nap. That's a pretty good bday, I'd say. (And yes, he did get a new toy mouse the other day. Its purple.)

So after present fun-ness, it was time for breakfast at our normal haunt, the Big Boy. Because I've been wearing my birthday pins every year since I was 16, the waitress could easily see what kind of special day it was. And since she knew that I didn't want the brownie-ice cream-concoction that people normally get for free on their bdays (it totally didn't go with the strawberry topped pancakes), she took my chocolate shake off the bill. So even though I would have ordered it anyway (who doesn't like a chocolate ice cream shake with breakfast?) we Jay didn't have to pay for it. Yay for free stuff on bdays!

Then, time to go have fun and be edumacated. Off to the Cranbrook Science Center where I got to see bats. Bats! I love bats! Look how cute!


This poor little guy had a broken bat thumb, and a little cast. I learned that bats pee while hanging by their thumbs because for some reason, peeing while hanging upside down doesn't work out. But this little guy couldn't do that - so please don't make fun of the potty on his chest.

I saw lots of bats and owls and flying squirrels and sugar gliders and then other things that weren't alive. It was fun and educational, my favorite type of thing.

When we came home, the dog needed a walk. So we went on a little family jaunt, and since it was such a nice day, I found a stick to throw for Midnight. He got, shall we say, a little overzealous with his stick biting. When he bit the stick, it was the part that my hand was still holding. So I got a nice big dog chomp. And I cried. And my hand was purple and puffy, with proto-puncture wounds. (Luckily for me, a 15-year old dog's teeth are kind of worn down.) But it wouldn't be Flag Day if I didn't get hurt (remember last year when I cracked a rib?), so I accepted my hurt and lots of drugs*.

Then, even though I was injured, we ventured out to the open air mall. I've been needing to replace The Bestest Skirt Ever, so that was the mission. I needed another long flowy skirt that I could wear every day, and repair the seams on multiple times until holes got worn into it that were beyond repair. And I found one! I also found some cute shoes that were $3, and a new wallet to replace my old blue one which had seen better days. In summary, I spent almost a whole paycheck on clothes, books, and other things that I've needed but couldn't buy until I had a job (and had coupons from the stores as bday presents).

All in all, a very good bday. We'll just pretend that my right hand doesn't have a constant ache from being chomped on. And muchas gracias to everyone who sent along bday wishes and warm fuzzies.









* I couldn't be mad at the dog, because it was clearly an accident. And, according to Jay (who would know, because he's known Midnight since the day he - the dog - was born), nobody has ever been hurt by Midnight. So yay for me being the first?

good scrabble day

So lately, I've become addicted to Scrabbulous on facebook. And I've gotten Jay addicted too. So sometimes while we're sitting here together on the couch, both playing this game on our laptops (but not with each other), one of us needs some help. Today, Jay needed some. I pointed out how he could get QUICK for 69 points. That's a triple word score and a double letter score.

Then in my own game, I made ZINCY. Throw in a triple letter and a double word, and it was worth 78 points. That rocked.

I like playing the computer version of scrabble because -if you haven't noticed by reading my ramblings- I like to make up words. My problem is that I tend to forget which words are the ones I've made up and which were made up before me. That makes playing scrabble with me very difficult. But the computer allowed ZINCY, even though I could find no "official" definition for it online. The desfinition, btw, is "all covered in zinc." I would have been happy with just ZINC, but that Y was the double word score and I just had to try it. (Sorry mar, but most of the blame for my addiction rests with you anyway.)



ps - " he could get QUICK for 69 points" is one of the funniest double entendres I've ever accidentally written.

Motor City Comic Con, or why I hate Walter Koenig

Today we went to the Motor City Comic Con. It's apparently the biggest comic book convention in MI. But there weren't too many comic book people I was interested in there. However, there were a few celebrities I was interested in seeing.

After getting a late start due to last night's shenanigans*, we drove the hour or so and paid our $20 admission fees (thanks Jay!). We immediately saw the line for an autograph by Billy Dee Williams (you remember Lando Calrissian, right?). It was a very long line, so we did not partake. But we snapped this (and I apologize for the graininess):


But then something else caught our eye:


That's right, it's the Monkee Mobile. Mickey Dolenz was there too, but we didn't get his autograph either.

I'm not too much of a car person (yet - more details on that at a later date) but there was one car I was excited to see. Jay said "Oh look, it's KITT" and I said what? and he said "KITT! From Knight Rider!"
I turned around and saw the awesome black car and squealed something to the effect of "ohmygodIloveKnightRiderEEEEEEEE" but then caught myself, and in a very calm, demure fashion, said "oh, isn't that interesting." Then I took a bunch of pictures of it.


No, I couldn't touch it, and no it didn't talk. And there was no Hoff to be seen. But I was still excited.

You can see the General Lee in the background there, which had the photo ops of standing next to it ($5) or sitting in it ($10) which I didn't want. Actually there were 2 General Lees, but one of them had Ontario plates and that confused me. I shoulda gotten a picture of that, but I was too distracted by KITT.

And then - I saw Walter Koenig, aka Chekov from Star Trek. It was then that I realized I coulda brought my Star Trek photo that is signed by Shatner. Koenig coulda signed it too, I thought. Nobody is talking to this guy. So I walk right up and make small talk. It is then that I find out that Walter Koenig is a very grumpy man, and apparently he hates conventions. I also find out that it costs 30-something dollars to get an autograph, and $25 to take a picture of him with my own camera. I didn't find these things out directly from him, either. They were via his mouthpiece manager, who was sitting right next to him, also not smiling. I think I got "hi" out of Koenig himself, but since I was not willing to fork over obscene amounts of cash, that was all I got.

Throughout our romp at the con, I kept bitterly peeking over at Koenig. He was never smiling, even when someone did shovel out the dough to be in a picture with him. This was the happiest I ever saw him:


So I was mad at him. Why come to a thing like this if you're not going to enjoy it? Well I guess if you have nothing better to do...

Next to my new arch nemesis was Alan Ruck, aka Cameron from Ferris Bueller. Nobody was talking to him either. So I marched up, and he was smiling. Then I had the following conversation with Cam:

me: Are you having fun here?
Cam: Yeah, this is a blast! Who's not having fun?
me: Koenig. He's very grumpy.
Cam: Oh, he might pretend to hate these things, but he loves em. That's just him.
me: Well he does a very convincing job of it.

Autographs & pictures with Cam were also more than I could afford, but if I was going to spend that kind of dough on someone, it would be him. He was awesome and totally nice, and genuinely happy to see me. And I respected him so much for that, that I didn't even snap a cameo like with the others.

After a little while, we left. I didn't have any specific comics I was looking for, and all the celebs wanted crazy amounts of money (Lou Ferrigno and Erik Estrada, I'm talking to you too!). So we went home. There were lots of people in costume, but it wasn't as much fun as say, a sci-fi convention would be. So I'm sure I'll go to one of those soon and you'll hear all about how I had to fight Walter Koenig, and how George Takei would totally help me.




* By shenanigans, of course I mean that we stayed up late to watch Craig Ferguson, thus resulting in the oversleeping.

a mini-treatise on certainty

Ask anyone who's ever hung out with me for long enough: They'll say that if you try to tell me I'm wrong about something that I'm certain I'm right about, I'll argue til the ends of the earth. Now this is only on things that I know for sure. And ask those same people from before, and they'll tell you that I am generally right about these things, after I've had a chance to use the magickal internets to prove my point.

Some people would (and do) confuse this behavior as a need to always be right. Not the case. If I'm not absolutely certain about something, I won't argue it. I'll say "Really? I thought it was this way." But I'll accept the other person's point, (especially if it's logical, and thus appeals to my logical robot brain) at least until we get a chance to find out the truth. It might appear as me always needing to be right because I happen to know a lot of random things that other people don't understand that I know. So there is a high probability of something coming up in conversation which I am certain of the factual data on. (Incidentally, if you're ever on a quiz show and get to call a friend, I'm your girl.)

*** Keep in mind, these scenarios apply only to factual arguments. I won't even discuss emotional topics like politics, religion, gun control, abortion, etc. because they generally turn to arguments, and the type of people who want to argue about these topics have a thing against listening to reason or considering something other than their own beliefs. ***

I bring this up today because my Discover magazine recently had an interesting blurb, which I will now reproduce (almost) in its entirety:

"Just like love or anger, certainty is an emotion. So says neuroscientist Robert Burton, whose engaging new work exposes involuntary, physiological roots of conviction. Whether you're sure about political affiliations or alien abduction, that feeling of knowing derives not from rational thought, he argues, but from the brain's primitive limbic system; the gut feeling is more likely to emerge from careful electric stimulation than from careful consideration. Burton is convinced that being certain is not the same as being right."

It's a pretty radical theory, at least to me. It goes against everything I, as a robot, stand for. I make it a point not to let emotions interfere with my brain, and thus the ensuing discussions of facts. Like I said, I only argue when I'm sure I'm correct. However, this "Burton" character (and he's not even the awesome Burton, Tim) thinks it's the other way around. I freely admit that yes, I'm a girl, so I do have some emotions. But I swear to Jebus that the "girl" part is completely separate from the "robot" part. (Wow, this is taking on a kind of sci-fi-erotica feeling, which it's not meant to. Oops.)

I don't know if I'll read this book. But I'm also not sure if my reluctance is based on my emotional gut feeling or my my certainty that it's a bunch of hooey. Or if those are even 2 separate things.

Link! Only you can save Hyrule!

Ok, I realize that this post will have very limited audience appeal (unlike the rest of my stuff, like talking about my day at the zoo or whatever). BUT I've just been alerted to the existence of a Legend of Zelda movie. This thrills me to no end.

That's right, I'm a hardcore Zelda nerd. The original Zelda game on the NES remains one of my favorite video games in the entire universe. Every so often, I set aside a coupla hours and play it. Yeah, I can easily beat the game in one sitting.

Zelda is always the first game I buy with any new* console I get. I have it on NES, SNES, N64 (2 different games) and DS. Someday I'll get a Wii and I'll have Zelda on that too. Zelda 2 for the NES doesn't count because it's a completely different game than the other Zeldas, and it was so hard that I had to throw my controller at the tv and never play it again. And I haven't exactly "beaten" the games on N64 because my tv broke once while fighting a boss and I just never started it again. Then the second one comes right after that story-wise, so I never picked that one up either.

I have a Zelda wristband. I used to wear it at work before they said I didn't have to hide the roses on my wrist. I'm actually considering getting the triforce tattooed on me. That's right, I am a Zelda nerd and proud of it.

So when Jay was watching the above Linked-to video, I was only half paying attention. But then when someone yelled out the name Link, and I caught the name Hyrule, I perked up and dropped my 7-layer burrito, transfixed on this new wonderment. There's only one thing that uses both those words. That's right, one year from today, there will be a Zelda movie. Yes, I know that most movies based on video games are shall we say, um, awful. But this is more than a video game. It's a way of life.

And now I thin I'm going to hook up my N64 and get my fix.



* "New" generally means several years out on the market. The only videogame system I've purchased new new in the last 15+/- years is the DS. And yes, first thing I did was beat the Zelda.

that special day

Next Friday is Leap Day, that special day that comes only once every 4 years. According to my favorite place to get information, folklore says that since the year is a bit off due to that extra quarter of a turn the Earth makes around the sun every so often, girls are allowed to propose marriage to their men. It's crazy backwards time! We also wear our shoes on our heads. Sometimes both at the same time.

Since I am not planning any proposals in the next week (or am I? Jay does read this blog you know....) I choose to celebrate Leap Day in my own way. That rhymes, so you know it must be true. It's kinda like an extra day. To me, it is the same as when you have extra money. Sure, you could use it for practical things like going to work and paying bills, but I think it is your divine right to use it for something completely unpractical, and that often means something fun. Yay fun!

Now it's not like the day is completely free. Since it comes on a pretty regular basis (read: every 4 years) it doesn't count for nothing. It does count for only 1/4 of what it normally would though. I'm not sure what that means, but stick with me here. So you can make 4 mistakes and the universe sees it as only making one. Like if you're in to that sort of thing, you could drink 4x as many times as you normally would, then throw up 4 times. It's cool, it's like you only threw up once. Sadly, it works both ways, so if you help 4 old ladies across the street, you only get karma points for one.

I would like to point out that only a coupla days ago there was a lunar eclipse, which only happens on an average of every 3 years or so. It woulda been cool if the eclipse was on Leap Day, but that might have been too tempting for things to go up in fiery explosions due to the alignment of planets or something. Sorry, I've clearly taken some loopy pills today and they have influenced my writing and thoughts just a tad.

Speaking of the eclipse, of course I took pictures. However, Michigan remains as cold as a witch's kerpluffin, so my fingers fell off. Even with the image-stabilization in my fancy new camera, the 45-second long exposure was too much for my shaky cold fingerless hands, so the pictures are blurry like a monkey funker. But here they are anyway, because I still think they're cool because the moon is orange.










ps - I've just made my 100th post over at jewelry by des. I've made more than 100 jewelry pieces in my life, but not all of them were chronicled. So go look at them, and help me thin out my inventory a little... wink wink.

nerd party

When you don't have a job, and thus have no income, you are *not* supposed to go buy things you don't need. That means no videogames. Unless your name is des, then you are supposed to watch as your boyfriend buys a Nintendo DS, and before he's even taken it out of the box, you decide you want one too. After all, if you each have one, then you can play together.

Said box-removal happened at the restaurant. We were sitting at the bar because sometimes we don't like waiting for a table at lunch time. I'm looking over the menu, and Jason is playing with his new toy. Meanwhile, the bartendress is making small talk. What are we doing this weekend? Well we just bought new videogame systems, so we're having a nerd party. Then she drops this on us:
"My husband has a nerd party with himself every day."
Which made us laugh and laugh because what a funny thing to say.

We ate our meal, and as we were leaving the bartendress said "Enjoy your nerd party." However she said it in such a tone that it would have been a little patronizing had Jason not introduced the term nerd party himself. We had the whole day to waste, so rather than go back to the kmart where Jay bought his DS, we decided to go to an actual game store for mine. We figured they would have a bigger selection of games, as well.

Jay bought a pretty blue DS, and the game store was advertising red ones on sale. I thought maybe I'd buy the red one, so we could differentiate. But no, no, they only had blue. Of course, the blue is very nice, so I was ok with that. And, color-coordinated girl that I am, the blue matches my laptop and camera. My phone isn't blue, but it does have chococat stickers on it, like everything else.


I'm sensing a theme here.

So Saturday was spent cuddled up on the couch, having a vicious Mario Party battle. When we're not playing the same game, I am fueling my lifelong Zelda addiction, and he is conquering the Mario Brothers universe.

Oh videogames. How I've missed thee.

super des remains the jumproping queen

So we went back to my new favorite place, and of course the lure of the jump rope machine was too much. I tried it a few times to warm up, but then YES des won the jackpot once again. *And* this time it was caught on video.







Notice that I have removed my moon boots and am jumping in my light blue socks, to maximize jumpage. Also notice that I flail my arms wildly to keep my balance. Note: what was not caught on video, both fortunately and unfortunately, was the time right before this, when I totally fell off the mat.

There wasn't as big a crowd drawn as last time, but this was a Monday night instead of a Saturday. There were a few onlookers, but no applause.

As a bit of contrast, here is Jay using the same machine. He did not win. In fact, the machine decided for him that he was done. It was a little disappointing.





SO this is what I do in my spare time now.

ruminations on cash cab

I've decided that I need to go on a game show, at least to tide me over until I gets me a real jobby job. I could totally rock a quiz show. I did take the online Jeopardy test a coupla weeks ago, but there were a lot of things I didn't know, so I'm not holding my breath for their call.

I think a better alternative is Cash Cab, on the Discovery Channel. Basically, regular people waiting for a taxi in NYC get picked up and surprised with the fact that they are then on a game show. You can win some cash (average probably about $1000 or so) and even if you don't win, you get a free cab ride. Unfortunately, I no longer live in NYC, so catching the cash cab is a far fetched dream.

That aside, I think the show starts out with a bias. If you're taking a cab in NYC, you probably don't need the prize money. I don't need to say that I rarely took cabs. Yes, I took them to and from the airport, but never just walking around town. What they should do is Cash Subway. Those are more likely the people that need the money, and it would have an added entertainment value with all the crazies.

This might be a good way for me to earn money, starting this game show. However, it might end up costing me money, which is why nobody has done it yet. So that would be bad.

adventures at the bank

To prove that I really do live in Michigan now, I needed a new bank account. (Besides the fact that the old one was shared with the xbf.) I did a bit of research and finally decided on a bank that met most of my requirements: There are lots of branches / ATMs around here (though none in CA or NY or many of the other places I may travel), and it is possible to have a checking account that 1) does not have a minimum balance requirement 2) does not require direct deposit and 3) does not charge a monthly fee. Conveniently enough, there is a branch right around the corner from my apartment. So yesterday I set out on a New Bank Account Quest.

There was snow on the ground, and it was cold outside, but other than that the weather was favorable. And because my internet at home had not been working for a few days and I was having withdrawals, I packed up my tiny laptop into my tiny backpack, and set out on my merry way, thinking that I may find some place with free wifi and lunch. The one thing I did forget, however, was my new camera (wanna see the official review?). Of course I realized this when I saw some cool bird tracks in the snow and had no way of digitally commemorating them.

I hit the bank first, and am still getting over the fact that there are not 10,000 people everywhere I go, like I'm used to from the good old NYC days. I walked right up to the counter, the person was smiley, and I put my name down to go into the special back office where apparently new accounts are set up. (That sounds totally shady, and I kinda wish it was because it would make for a better story, but I assure you it was a very normal bank transaction.)

I told the guy that I wanted to set up a checking account, and was a tiny bit offended when he didn't bother asking which account I wanted. Sure, he chose the free one which *is* the one I wanted, but can you please not assume that because I have blue hair and a punkrock t-shirt that I don't have the $20,000 required for the "gold" account? kthnxbai. Then he asked how much I wanted to deposit and I pulled out $100 in cash and a check for $12.09*. We both laughed at the fact that I had a check for 12 bucks, but his laugh was more patronizing than mine. But it wasn't just his laugh that was patronizing. It was the questions Have you applied for a MI driver's license yet? and Are you planning on getting a job? I "politely" informed him that, yes, I would do these things say maybe after I've lived here more than 2 weeks. But, I never have to deal with that guy again, thanks to the magic of Automatic Teller Machines and Direct Deposit (once I get that job he was poking at), so fah to him.

Mission 1 accomplished, I set out for mission 2, finding internet. There are a coupla strip malls around, and being the spoiled NY girl that I am, I assumed somewhere around would have wifi, and maybe some lunch I could buy on the pretense of using their internet. If I was in NYC, I wouldn't be able to turn around without finding a place. I checked a coupla bagel / sandwich places, and even a McDonalds, but no luck. So I pouted and gave up and went home. Luckily for me and the rest of the world, my Jason roughed up the internet providers a little so that I could continue with my addiction.

The end. Or is it?....




*Apparently I was involved in some class action suit against some big company or whatever. Hey, when people send me checks, even tiny ones, I don't ask questions.


ps, here's a picture of my cute little laptop. It's blue like my camera, and it's covered in stickers so you know it's mine.

mad skillz

I haven't had internet for days. Days! I'm going a little nuts. But I do have some stuff to tell.

For one, I got the Best Camera Ever. It meets all my requirements:
1.It's tiny, so I can carry it all around with me. This means less phone shots.
2.It has a macro setting AND a super macro setting. So so so so useful when a girl makes as much fine jewelry as I do and needs to see details.
3.In addition to the other 20 or settings, it has a setting specifically for fireworks. Have you seen my fireworks pictures?
4.It also has a self-portrait mode, for taking pictures like this:

5.It has a super big, clear LCD screen to view the awesome pictures it takes.
6.It takes awesome pictures.
7.It's blue. Blue is fun. In fact, the blueness is what drew Jason's eye to it, and he is what drew my attention.

The camera was purchased on Friday, which turned out to be among the Best Days Ever. There was this thing called a "snowstorm" so Jason couldn't make the hour and a half drive to work. Damn shame, that. So we had a nice relaxing morning with a yummy breakfast, then set out for adventures. We ended up at Dave and Buster's, which it turns out is the Best Place Ever. It's a bar / restaurant AND a giant arcade. They have regular video games and the kind that gives out tickets. We played for a while on the machines that have coins in a big pile, and as you add coins, a shelf pushes them, and when any fall over the edge you get tickets. That was fun for a while, and then we saw the Jumprope Machine.

The Jumprope Machine is basically a big lighted disc with a mat in front of it. Colored lights give the appearance of spinning around like a jump rope. When it gets to the bottom, you jump over it and the mat senses whether or not you virtually trip over the rope and fall flat on your face. Now a little background on me. When I was a kid, I was jumping rope at every recess. My elementary school had a jump roping team. I was on it. There was a jump-a-thon for heart disease. I did that and kicked heart disease's ass. I won a special award for jumping even with a sprained ankle. I knew all the tricks, like double- and triple-unders. Double dutch? I was a pro. You give me a rope and I could jump over it.

So of course I wanted to show off my mad skillz (and make sure I still had them). The first round, I jumped my darndest and won some tickets. I think I inadvertently cheated because the ticket-giver was jammed, which means I'm pretty positive that I got some tickets that the people before me should have gotten but were too impatient to call over the maintenance guy. But whatevs.

I went back for more, after a break. This time, I won. I jumped and jumped and didn't make any virtual mistakes. Then all the machine's lights went off. Then they all came back on, flashing and making noise and generally causing a ruckus. I heard someone behind me yell Winner! and applause, and I turned around. Suddenly there appeared behind me about 15-20 people that were definitely not there when I started. I raised my arms in triumph, and turned back to the machine to hide the fact that I was laughing in astonishment at the magical crowd. It took a few minutes for my hundreds of tickets to pour out of the machine, but not as long as some lady that had "played" another game* and was receiving tickets for seriously 45 minutes straight.

We checked out the options for our bucketful of tickets and weren't incredibly thrilled with anything, so we decided to save them for another day. We had originally planned to go see the Djangofest in Downtown Detroit, but apparently had spent several more hours playing videogames than either of us had realized, so we ended up missing the start of the show. Our fallback plan is always karaoke, so we headed there. I think I had spent all my little energy jumping like a madwoman (besides the fact that I had only eaten nachos, so there wasn't much energy to expend in the first place) so I wasn't really feelin the karaoke. That didn't stop me of course, but my Stray Cat Strut and Crazy Little Thing Called Love weren't my best works. However, Jay repeated his performance of Big Balls, and finally got the reception he deserved. I've said it before, that boy can put on a show.

In between songs, we made a few new friends. One was Alison, wearing a tank top and baseball cap and doing "fagulous!" She, like everyone, said that Jay and I are absolutely gorgeous, so that won her over in our favor. Then she realized that we are cool people in addition to being really really ridiculously good looking and bought us a round of drinks and a pitcher of beer. The drinks went drunk (maybe a mistake on my part) but the pitcher stayed put.

On our other side was Lonely Jennifer. I officially gave her that name, but she practically gave it to herself by the way she was acting. She confessed that she never goes out, and was drawn to Jay and I because we are so "young and good looking." She was a nonstop talker, and even called us out on it when we were discussing this point amongst ourselves. At one point she made me feel her hair. (Creepy!) We were about to ditch her when our old friend from New Year's, Magic Dave, appeared. He showed us a new magic trick and we thanked him by giving him our untouched pitcher of beer and introducing him to Jennifer. Then we left the bar, speculating on what would happen between Lonely Jennifer and Magic Dave.





* I say "played" because neither Jason nor I nor anybody else ever saw her actually playing. She was just standing there while tickets flew out. We wondered if maybe the same thing happened to her that happened to me at first, where she got other people's tickets in addition to hers. But it went on for so long we figured she must be just that good.

desation without representation

I'm moving. In 5 days. To Michigan. Away from NYC.

Because of this, I feel the need to represent. Brooklyn, yo!
So I went on a tiny excursion to find things made in Brooklyn. I bought this awesome weekender bag made by a Brooklyn company, but it doesn't actually say Brooklyn anywhere on it. So when I'm off on a weekend jaunt, nobody will be like "Brooklyn, huh?" so I can brag. I briefly looked at Brooklyn Industries, which I pass every day on my way to work (no matter which store I'm working at) but they didn't have anything I wanted needed and could justify buying. So I half-heartedly gave up my half-hearted attempt at representation.

Then the other day, walking to work, I saw a store selling $3 t-shirts that said "Brooklyn Girl" on them. Um, hello? Perfect. However, I was worried about being late to work (why? they don't care about me! but that's a whole 'nuther rant.) so I did not stop. Because my Jason telephonically walks me to and fro each day, he got to hear about this store. And he got to hear about the subsequent journeys around the 'hood trying to find this store that I don't know the name or exact location of. And the follow-up attempts were not half-hearted. But I have not been able to find it, this mystery store. I'm becoming more and more convinced it was a figment of my overactive imagination.

But I have 5 days left. 2 of those I'm working, 1 I have to get a tattoo finished (yes!), and the other 2 involve me sitting at home possibly because it's snowing outside. But dammit, I want a $3 tshirt!

trivial post

These from a spirited* game of Trivial Pursuit:

Which is likelier to bite you - a male dog or a bitch?
Um, of course it's a bitch. Doesn't anyone realize how obvious the answer to this question is?

What is the largest member of the pig family?
Here is the answer I was given, verbatim:
a hippopotamus! No wait, that was a bad joke. But they kind of look like pigs. Really, it's the wombat.
Uproarious laughter from me as I reveal the answer to be, yes, a hippopotamus.

Ok, you probably had to be there, but at least we're getting along.




* "spirited" here does not mean under the influence of a spirit, aka drunk, but I think that I will start using it to mean so.

terrible hands

This month's National Geographic is about dinosaurs. Specifically, dinosaurs that had weird appendages and body parts that people aren't sure the purpose of, i.e. spines on shoulders, weird headbones, or gigantic arms. It is this last that is the point of this blog.

Have you heard of Deinocheirus? It's been my favorite dinosaur ever since I saw it at the Natural History Museum. And I was a kind of dino-freak growing up. And in college. (I would have gotten my degree in paleontology had my school offered it.) But in my favorite section of my favorite museum ever, there are 2 giant fossilized arms. That's it.

Backstory:
Some guy found these bones, which he decided were giant arms (of course that's up for debate, are they even arms?). Oh and there were a coupla vertebrae or ribs or something. But the scientific community decided that these arm bones, which had been found only once and never again, constituted a completely new species of dinosaur. A new species of dinosaur based on arm bones that have never been found any other time. And that's it.

That still cracks me up, for so many reasons.

And now you know a little bit more about me.

accent chameleon

What American accent do you have? Your Result: The Inland North You may think you speak "Standard English straight out of the dictionary" but when you step away from the Great Lakes you get asked annoying questions like "Are you from Wisconsin?" or "Are you from Chicago?" Chances are you call carbonated drinks "pop."
The Northeast
Philadelphia
The Midland
The South
Boston
The West
North Central
What American accent do you have? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

I always said I had a knack for copying people's accents, but this is ridiculous.

It doesn't show, but the other regions are rated in descending order with bar graphs, with only a tiny tiny bit in North Central. Only slightly above that? The West, where I spent the first 25 years of my life. Philadelphia and Boston have their own categories, but not Brooklyn? I'd like to think I picked up some NYC speech patterns (not Long Island though).

ps - I've never even been to the Great Lakes Region, except Chicago briefly, twice. Guess I'll have to move there so my accent fits in. How are you, Michigan?

And? I will never ever ever relent and call soda "pop."

coffee coffee bo boffee

I've officially made the switch from cold coffee to hot coffee. Something about the freezing mornings... just can't put my finger on it.

I don't have a regular coffee maker. I'm unconventional like that. I have a French Press, which is unfortunate because you have to be smarter than the coffee in order to drink it. Shut up, I am smarter than it, only because it's a liquid. If it was a gas, gas coffee, I would have no chance in a trivia contest against it. But as it is, it's a bit of a struggle. There are many steps involved which can easily be overlooked on a cold tired morning.

Here's what should be done:
1) Take everything out of their nicely stowed places in the cupboard, because I'm neat like that.
2) Put some water on to boil.
3) Pour the right amount of beans into the grinder, and grind them at the correct coarseness.
4) pour the grounds into the press, followed by the hot water.
5) Press the coffee just a little bit, and wait a few minutes.
6) Push the press thingy all the way down and pour your coffee into your favorite genetics-themed mug that your biology teacher gave you in high school for being awesome.
7) add chocolate soy milk and enjoy.

Here are some of the many things that I have done wrong:
- pour hot water in the coffee grinder.
- pour unground beans into the press.
- make the coffee too strong, so I become Captain ADHD, commander of the US naval forces.
- make the coffee too weak, so I am left drinking water and brown.
- pour orange juice in instead of soy milk. OK, that one wasn't me, it was C's grandma, but it was so cute when she did it and then said "well, shoot."
- any one of a number of other things that impede and/or delay my coffee enjoyment.

And, this morning with my weak coffee in tow, I managed to spill it all over my leg, leaving a nice brown water stain on my pretty silver pajamas. That's fine, it matches the red nail polish I spilled on my other leg a few days ago. And also? The coffee that I put so much effort into making hot?

It's cold now.

cliche

I have to work on Halloween. Poo. Oh course I'm not working late into the night, but I am working late enough to miss the parade. And I have to open at the bookstore Thursday, so I can't stay out too terribly late. But my point in life is to dress up in costumes. Clearly I'm not going to dress in full anything regalia while thousands of Power Rangers and "Scream" ghosts* run around me because I'm still expected to work under these conditions.

So I planned on doing the logical thing, which is wearing my tiger ears. It's just a fuzzy headband with 2 cute little striped ears on top. It rocks and it shows that I'm still "fun." And yes, I've been known to wear these tiger ears on non-Halloween occasions. So imagine my dismay when this year I went to fish them out and discovered that *apparently* the tiger ears did not make the trip out to NYC.

The only thing even pseudo- close was a pair of devil horns. Here's what I looked like, unhappy with my discovery.

I can't wear these. I don't even know why I have them. Everyone wears devil horns. I am not that chick. I am a tiger, pure and simple. But I have no ears.

A.G.G.R.A.V.A.T.I.O.N.

As a last resort, I might try to make something cooler out of them, using my crafty superpowers.




* Can you tell I have no idea what kids these days are wearing as costumes?


ps - C is no longer surprised when I randomly approach him with a camera. He can say it along with me: "The world needs to know!"

semi-Halloween related shenanigans

The Saturday before Halloween? Always the best parties ever. After sorting out my many options (yes, I actually had options!) I ended up at a bar with lawyers. Surprise. So to amuse myself while they talked shop, I made up games to play. The best one was quizzing random people on the first word in the song "Living On A Prayer." I'd say "who used to work on the dock?" And they'd try to sing it to themselves and not remember the name. This was really funny to me because I arrived to the party late because I had to work. So these people already had much more alcohol in them than I.

After I got a few random strangers involved in my game, they all *had* to know the answer. So I commanded my minions to find me someone from Jersey. LOAP is New Jersey's state song, which makes Bon Jovi their state bird or something. Anyway, first Jerseyite we found knew the answer was Johnny. Johnny used to work on the docks. The union went on strike. Well, you know the rest. That cracked me up to no end.

We were kind of standing near the bathroom, so we could see the various groups of people going in together. At first we assumed they were just having sex, because that's what people do in bar bathrooms, but when enough of them came out twitching and rubbing their noses, it dawned on us that these lawyers people were doing coke. That also cracked me up so when I had to go in and actually use the bathroom for it's factory-designated purpose, I said I would also come out twitching and rubbing my nose, you know, to fit in. Then when a lone guy came out of the girls' bathroom and told me not to tell anyone, all my brainpower was used in trying to figure out what it was I shouldn't tell (like I've never used the guys' room at a crowded bar? and he didn't pee on the seat even, so what do I care?) so I forgot to pretend I was doing coke. One of my newfound bar friends called me on it and made me look quite the fool. And that made everyone laugh hysterically.

At one point I saw a guy dressed like a cow (which was funny in of itself because cows are always funny). The back of his costume was open (he was wearing clothes underneath) so I pulled back a flap and had myself a peek inside. I was really checking to see if there was a zipper or something that he forgot to use, but it totally looked like I was checking out his goods. The great thing about drunk people is that you can do stuff like that and they won't notice. However my friends and the cow's girlfriend all noticed, and each one of them died laughing. I admit, I'm pretty darn funny when I do impulsive crap like that. (Which is often.) And nobody cared.

I also spent a large portion of the night convincing people that my new tattoo is real. It was a very non-tattoo crowd (I didn't see a single other person with ink) and they all were mystified by my enchanting array of flowers. Random people would approach and say things like "tell the truth - that's fake, right?" I don't have the kind of time or energy needed to draw something so intricate on myself with a sharpee. Or have it drawn on me, more likely, because I couldn't do that on my own shoulder. I let people touch it and everything, and word spread, and I was instantly the coolest person there. It helped my superiority complex a little.

So that was my fun night. On the subway ride there, some guy actually lit up a cigarette and was smoking away. Yeah, there's a reason that smoking is illegal on the subway. The whole car fills with smoke and nobody can breathe or see. Someone finally told him to stop because there was a baby on the train, which may have been untrue, but it worked. I still got off at the next stop and switched cars because I like that whole breathing thing. Everything after that was super fun though even though I was in a loud crowded bar (and y'all know I avoid those places).

reviews of stuff and junk

So I was watching Funny Face today. It's about a smart, pretty girl who works in an NYC bookstore*. (Like me!) A bunch of annoying people come in and throw the books all over the floor and get them all out of order, so she has to clean up after them. (Like me!) But then one of the people is a photographer and convinces the other people that she should be a model and they should all go to Paris. (Like me! No, no wait, that's where the similarities stop.) But it's a delightful movie that involves a lot of singing and dancing, and one hilarious "interpretive dance" in a Paris cafe. You should watch it.

Another thing involves a book I read at work. It was a children's book, because that what I'm surrounded by, and also they take about 3.8 seconds to read. It was called But Not The Hippopotamus, and it turns out, it was the saddest thing ever.
**WARNING: HERE BE SPOILERS**
It's a baby book, so it rhymes (and therefore must be true). Things like this: The moose and the goose enjoy some juice. But Not the Hippopotamus. Cats and rats try on new hats. But Not the Hippopotamus. And so on, until the end where the other animals invite him to "join the lot of us!" Yes the Hippopotamus!......... but not the armadillo.

I don't know why, but that makes me cry a little. Yet I'm strangely drawn to it.

In other bookstore "news," some really famous person is going to be there on Thursday signing copies of the book she wrote. It's a children's book. And it's not very good. But that's not the point. With her will be many many members of the press and at least 150 customers. All crammed into the tiny children's section where I'm somehow supposed to do my job. I was dreading it because since I asked for Wednesday off (more details on that later) I knew I'd be working on Thursday during all the hoopla. BUT, I am opening on Thursday (because I'm a manager? No, I'm not...) So I'm out of there a full hour and a half before the "event" begins. Sweet. I will actually be at my new job by then where there will be no hoopla. (I'm assuming.)







*But her bookstore is in Greenwich Village, whereas mine is in Park Slope. But then I said, "Park Slope is the *new* Greenwich Village" but nobody was around to hear that.