news - high heels

Today on my break at work I was watching the news. Rather, I was reading the headline ticker at the bottom of the tv, while the newscasters babbled on about how David Hasselhoff was kicked off Dancing With the Stars.

The one that caught my eye was "High heels a waste of money? New study shows 40% of men don't notice women's shoes."

First, men aren't supposed to notice the shoes. They're supposed to notice what high heels do to our legs and butts. Evolutionarily speaking, high heels lift and separate our buttcheeks, and that is a prime indicator of sexual readiness. Or to the layman, Dayum!

Also, apparently all women only buy things to impress men. It's inconceivable that a woman would buy something, say a pair of shoes, because she actually liked them and found them aesthetically pleasing. I know every pair of shoes *I* purchase is in the hopes that a man will lie in awe of how wonderfully they match my fingernail polish.

Thank god for the news.

Regarding the boycott of Target:

In case you haven't heard, people are trying to boycott Target because the CEO gave money to a Republican candidate in Minnesota, who is apparently the biggest homophobe / anti-gay man you could find. So people are boycotting the entire chain of stores to show how this displeases them as consumers.

But here are some facts you should know.

- Target sponsors Twin Cities Gay Pride every single year (3rd largest in the country, by the way), and at least the San Francisco and NYC AIDS Walks (I'm sure it sponsors more of them, but those are the ones I've been to and so can vouch for personally).

- According to MN Forward Executive Director Brian McClung, Emmer was chosen by the group because of his position on job growth and the state's economy. It is the same reason that the group has been garnering contributions from corporations like Target and Best Buy. IT IS ABOUT ECONOMICS. The guy's homophobic nature didnt come out until later.

- Target does believe that gays should be able to get married.There is an option on Target's wedding registry for gay couples.

- In the store I work in, I can name 6 LGBT employees right off the bat, just in my circle of friends. I know there are more. They are treated exactly the same as everyone else. They are not denied benefits, or paid less, or anything else that could be considered discriminatory.

-Boycotting a large company hurts nobody but the measley hourly workers like me. They give us hours each week based on our sales. So when you boycott the store, it can't pay the employees, gay or otherwise, that you believe you are protecting.

- Like with anything, READ UP ON THE FACTS. I usually don't comment on crap like this, but I'm tired of people treating me like shit because of their half-informed perceptions of where I work.

punishments

I don't often watch the news, because it is always depressing. However lately, I've been catching some snippets. Since I've lived here, there have been several murders (not all IN Asheville). There were at least 2 children and one elderly lady killed, all in seperate incidents.

One of the children - an 8 year old girl - was shot 4 times in the head execution style by her dad's girlfriend's ex-husband. The man was trying to get back at his ex-wife, so he shot her future stepdaughter. Nice huh?

Another child was killed "accidentally." An off duty police officer was apparently having a "bad" day, and hit a little girl with his car as she walked home from school. She was killed. He of course, was fine. Nevermind that he had a previous tarnish on his record for reckless driving. What was his punishment for taking an innocent life? One year house-arrest and four years' probation.

Here's the thing I have with that. Obviously the first guy was a whackjob and he's in jail now for a very long time, where I'm sure the other inmates will treat him very nicely (as people who hurt children so generally are treated). But the second guy? He gets a tiny slap on the wrist. It's true, it was an accident, but he killed a child. I think he should get a full punishment.

Here's my reasoning: When a murder is planned, generally the murderer has an idea that what he is doing is wrong. He knows he'll be punished. Will the punishment teach him not to kill people? Who knows. But when it's an accidental murder, there definitely needs to be some conditioning done, i.e. certain behaviors will lead to punishment. It's very B.F. Skinner - if you hit a dog's nose with a newspaper every time he pees in the house, he'll learn to stop peeing in the house. The fact that this guy had already been in trouble at least once for reckless driving should be a testament. He wasn't punished severely enough, and now he's killed a small child.

But it's ok, he got one year of house arrest. I'm sure the girl's parents are ok with that. And it will never ever happen again.

Dear Tim Burton,

I love you. Did you know that? You might have an inkling, as I'm always like "I love you Tim Burton!" but I've never actually said that in your presence. (Just give me a chance!)

You've been my favorite director since PeeWee's Big Adventure, back in 1985. Despite the scary clown dream and Large Marge, the movie fascinated me. Then Beetlejuice came along and was all checkery and fun, which sealed the deal. I'm pretty sure I've seen all of your movies, and I own several on DVD. It doesn't hurt that you have that whole collaboration thing going on with Johnny Depp, whom I've also been in love with since I was a wee tot.

A coupla years ago, I saw the play Sweeney Todd and loved it. That very day I was informed that you and Johnny were making it into a film. I was ecstatic. Favorite director + favorite actor + favorite play = des' new favorite movie. Yes, I loved it when I saw the midnight premier in NYC. I don't own it on DVD yet, but it's only been out a coupla days. Oh yes, it will be mine.

In summary, I've been pretty happy with our symbiotic relationship. You make awesome movies (and draw super cartoons) and I contribute a little to your income. But now this:

Tim Burton to Direct Alice in Wonderland in 3D

um, hello? What's my favorite book? If you guessed Alice, you're totally right. I have so many different editions of that book that it's pure craziness. I even have some in French and Spanish. (Not to mention all the collectibles.) I do mightily enjoy the Disney cartoon as well.

So this is the best news ever. It could only get better if *I* was cast in the film, which I am more than willing to be (ahem). But I'm banking that I will probably not get to meet you in time for this so I will have to satisfy myself with just watching the movie. In 3D. Over and over and over again. I may not be able to see the midnight premiere of this like I did with old Sweeney, but who knows where I'll be in 2010. The point is, I'll be there.

So thank you Tim Burton. Thank you for being the awesomest director in the whole directing world. I know this movie will rock my socks, and it's all I can think about now. Have I mentioned lately that I love you? Well I do.

Love,
your ever faithful des

a mini-treatise on certainty

Ask anyone who's ever hung out with me for long enough: They'll say that if you try to tell me I'm wrong about something that I'm certain I'm right about, I'll argue til the ends of the earth. Now this is only on things that I know for sure. And ask those same people from before, and they'll tell you that I am generally right about these things, after I've had a chance to use the magickal internets to prove my point.

Some people would (and do) confuse this behavior as a need to always be right. Not the case. If I'm not absolutely certain about something, I won't argue it. I'll say "Really? I thought it was this way." But I'll accept the other person's point, (especially if it's logical, and thus appeals to my logical robot brain) at least until we get a chance to find out the truth. It might appear as me always needing to be right because I happen to know a lot of random things that other people don't understand that I know. So there is a high probability of something coming up in conversation which I am certain of the factual data on. (Incidentally, if you're ever on a quiz show and get to call a friend, I'm your girl.)

*** Keep in mind, these scenarios apply only to factual arguments. I won't even discuss emotional topics like politics, religion, gun control, abortion, etc. because they generally turn to arguments, and the type of people who want to argue about these topics have a thing against listening to reason or considering something other than their own beliefs. ***

I bring this up today because my Discover magazine recently had an interesting blurb, which I will now reproduce (almost) in its entirety:

"Just like love or anger, certainty is an emotion. So says neuroscientist Robert Burton, whose engaging new work exposes involuntary, physiological roots of conviction. Whether you're sure about political affiliations or alien abduction, that feeling of knowing derives not from rational thought, he argues, but from the brain's primitive limbic system; the gut feeling is more likely to emerge from careful electric stimulation than from careful consideration. Burton is convinced that being certain is not the same as being right."

It's a pretty radical theory, at least to me. It goes against everything I, as a robot, stand for. I make it a point not to let emotions interfere with my brain, and thus the ensuing discussions of facts. Like I said, I only argue when I'm sure I'm correct. However, this "Burton" character (and he's not even the awesome Burton, Tim) thinks it's the other way around. I freely admit that yes, I'm a girl, so I do have some emotions. But I swear to Jebus that the "girl" part is completely separate from the "robot" part. (Wow, this is taking on a kind of sci-fi-erotica feeling, which it's not meant to. Oops.)

I don't know if I'll read this book. But I'm also not sure if my reluctance is based on my emotional gut feeling or my my certainty that it's a bunch of hooey. Or if those are even 2 separate things.

Link! Only you can save Hyrule!

Ok, I realize that this post will have very limited audience appeal (unlike the rest of my stuff, like talking about my day at the zoo or whatever). BUT I've just been alerted to the existence of a Legend of Zelda movie. This thrills me to no end.

That's right, I'm a hardcore Zelda nerd. The original Zelda game on the NES remains one of my favorite video games in the entire universe. Every so often, I set aside a coupla hours and play it. Yeah, I can easily beat the game in one sitting.

Zelda is always the first game I buy with any new* console I get. I have it on NES, SNES, N64 (2 different games) and DS. Someday I'll get a Wii and I'll have Zelda on that too. Zelda 2 for the NES doesn't count because it's a completely different game than the other Zeldas, and it was so hard that I had to throw my controller at the tv and never play it again. And I haven't exactly "beaten" the games on N64 because my tv broke once while fighting a boss and I just never started it again. Then the second one comes right after that story-wise, so I never picked that one up either.

I have a Zelda wristband. I used to wear it at work before they said I didn't have to hide the roses on my wrist. I'm actually considering getting the triforce tattooed on me. That's right, I am a Zelda nerd and proud of it.

So when Jay was watching the above Linked-to video, I was only half paying attention. But then when someone yelled out the name Link, and I caught the name Hyrule, I perked up and dropped my 7-layer burrito, transfixed on this new wonderment. There's only one thing that uses both those words. That's right, one year from today, there will be a Zelda movie. Yes, I know that most movies based on video games are shall we say, um, awful. But this is more than a video game. It's a way of life.

And now I thin I'm going to hook up my N64 and get my fix.



* "New" generally means several years out on the market. The only videogame system I've purchased new new in the last 15+/- years is the DS. And yes, first thing I did was beat the Zelda.

Congratulations are in order

I feel obligated to share the wonderful news:

Count Mockula's baby girl "was born this morning at 3:07 am, weighing in at an impressive 8lbs 7 oz. I was not there when they measured her but I guess 20 to 21 inches. She is beautiful and perfect. A little dark hair and long legs. Mock was amazing and is doing well as is baby. She should be home tomorrow."

Thanks to Mock's BFF MonkeyGirl for all the deets. Now everyone send their love Mockula's way.

why I didn't vote for Family Feud

I've already admitted that I watch entirely too much (read: any) daytime tv. One of the shows is Family Feud. Of course I play along in my head because who's gonna stop me. However, I am a broken robot, so my brain works quite a bit differently than the rest of the populace and the answers I come up with are rarely the same as the ones on the show.

Case in point: today there was a question What would a woman president want in the Oval Office? I figured this was kinda relevant since as of today a woman has won almost half of the states' Democratic caucuses (cauci?) so maybe there will be a woman president to test this theory. (Note: this is not an endorsement of any kind, just a generality.)

The feminist in me was a little outraged at the answers the surveyed people came up with. Some of the answers given by the contestants are as follows:

1. hairdresser
2. makeup chair
I think these two things would be terribly unnecessary because I'm pretty sure the president has a stylist, and hopefully she has more important things to do than sit at a chair *in the Oval Office* and make herself look pretty. (What she does in her own home or bedroom is her own business, but once she gets in that office, she's on my time.)

3. bathroom - um, yeah, but not because she's a woman. Because she's a person. An important person that may need to urinate.

4. telephone - I was under the impression that there are at least 2 phones in that office. Does she need an additional phone so she can gossip with her girlfriends? All women do is gab all day anyway. I guess as long as she doesn't use that *red* phone...

5. curtains - Also pretty sure that there are already curtains (and furniture!) in the Oval Office. However, Mars Attacks taught me that the first lady can redecorate. In this case, the first man (is that the right term?) would do it, and if he was worth anything he would choose Simpsons-style corn curtains.

Now here are the answers that were on the board, the top 5 answers given by a crowd of 100 people:

1. flowers - sure, that place probably stinks up high. All those brownnosers always coming and going, and then there were those rumors of ... shenanigans... in the office a few years ago.

2. mirror - Maybe the Oval Office is very small and she's trying to make it look better. Or maybe she's incredibly vain and can't stop checking herself out, to make sure the aforementioned stylist did a good job. That's reasonable because nobody will respect her as a world leader if her hair, makeup, and outfit aren't just so.

3. candles - the kind that smell like vanilla or cinnamon, because when male world leaders come in for important political discussions, they will be disappointed if the place doesn't smell like fresh cookies because what else would a woman be doing there besides cooking? Better yet, there should be a few ovens in the Oval Office so that she can whip up a pot roast, lasagna, and cookies for any meetings that may come up.

4. chocolates - of course we wouldn't want the president to make any rash decisions based on PMS, which we all know is how women do everything. Chocolate will help this.

and lastly,
5. a man
Excuse me? Of course! She'd be so overwhelmed by all the 'sponsibilities and numbers and stuff that she would need a big strong man around to make all the decisions for her. And also to kill spiders.



I really need more to do during the day.

fear of bridges

Apparently I started a cathartic revolution with my recent post about bridges.

Arlene gave us a story.

The NY Times did a story.

Countless readers chimed in.

I *am* breaking news. And I'm not alone.

some sentences

"My dad has cancer."

It's a hard sentence to think about, but I'm almost to the point where I can say it out loud. It's a very heavy sentence, one I had no problem saying until the flaming sword of truth stabbed me right in my heart.

"Well if you have to have cancer, this is the one to get."

I believe the proper response was, Yeah, thanks Asshole. But it does slightly lighten the first sentence's load.

There have been no sentences that end with "... months to live" or anything of the sort. I found a sentence that mentioned "90% cure rate." That's my favorite sentence, besides "There was an error in the test, you're healthy as a twig." which I have not heard yet, and can't expect to hear.

But one sentence can change your life.

a quickie before I leave...

There's this article in the NY Times:

Court Won't Rule on Life's Beginning

Synopsis:
A woman sued her doctor for malpractice. She claims that when she had a (life saving) abortion, the doctor didn't tell her that the abortion would be taking away a human life (when she was 6-8 weeks pregnant). NJ Supreme Court ruled that the doctor doesn't have to tell her that because there is no standard medical definition of when life begins.

My question:
WTF did she think an abortion was?

My Legal Beagle says that it sounds like an "impact litigation" which means that pro-lifers and whomever were trying to create a situation in which NJ would be forced to create this definition.

Whatever, I don't speak legalese. I'm just glad she lost the case.




ps - isn't it funny when I bring a news article into my blog? I feel like I should start a whole new blog entirely devoted to news because news isn't fun to read, though if I let myself I can go on all night, what with all my "opinions" on things. Anyway, the occasional non-fun mixed in won't kill you, and I'll see how you , my faithful readers, respond. pps - I just added a poll re: this. Go vote on it.