so many annoyances, so little time

This morning I woke up for a job interview. I showered and made myself all pretty and professional looking. I got in the car for a drive that was to last less than 10 minutes. I noticed that people were driving more retarded than usual, but it wasn't a big deal until an old man in a Buick decided that there probably wasn't in the lane that he wanted to be in. Me: BRAKE! HONK! Flip the old man the bird, which went unnoticed of course.

Ok, near accident, brush it off. I get to the interview at a children's store, and the person isn't ready for me yet. I wander around for a few minutes, and then we go next door to the bakery to sit down. Now, "interview" isn't really the applicable word here. It was just this person talking to me, and me trying to interject here and there. About 10 minutes later, we were done. Gee good think I put effort into that. I don't think it went badly, but it was definitely the shortest interview I've ever had.

On the way home, I was planning on stopping at the bank to open an account. I have a check for a bracelet I'm making, and some cash from a photo shoot I did yesterday (more on that later), so I figured I needed to use that to start a new account. I'd done my research - not only did I know which bank I wanted, but I knew which account I wanted and what I needed for it. I thought. The lady talked to me like I was a retarded 5 year old. (Hmmmm, sounds familiar....)

-Hi, I need to open a new checking account.
-Ok, do you know what kind of account you want?
-Yes, "the best" checking.
-Yes, that's our most popular.
(At this point, she folds her hands on the desk, like she's very concerned.)
-Do you know the requirements to open an account?
-Yes I do.
-Well let me just get you a brochure. (circles the account info) Here are the requirements.
-Yes, I looked at it on the website.
-Where did you move from?
-Michigan, about a month ago.
(folds her hands again)
-Do you have an updated driver's license? Or something that shows your current address?
-Oh, no. The website didn't say anythng about that, and I've never needed it before.
(continues to be concerned because a retarded 5 year old is trying to be a grownup)
-Yeah, they really need to put that on there.
-Well let me see if I do have anything. (I pull out some mail that I have in my backpack and flip through it.) No, these are all my boyfriend's.
-Well will he be on the account with you?

I say no he won't and that I'll have to come back. She gives me her best concerned nod. But even if he was going to be on the account with me, wouldn't he have to be there? I mean we have different names, and one of the requirements (that I did meet) was 2 forms of ID. I am clearly not a Jason, and my check is not made out to Jason either. But obvioiusly I'm just a scared little girl, and I don't know how to take that big step of handling my own finances. She didn't even ask if I had a job or anything. Yay for condescending bank tellers!

On the way home, I watched the car behind me suddenly decide it needed to be in the far right lane. We were in the far left lane on a 3 lane street. Somehow a tiny car managed to block 3 lanes of traffic. His buddy decided to follow him. The truck in the middle lane decided to go around the first car, between that and the second car. I was waiting for the inevitable smashing sound, but it never came. Either way, I was glad I was in front of this mess instead of behind it.

And I arrived home, less than an hour after I left, and about 10 times as annoyed.

grumble grumble bank

So here's a more upbeat post. Kinda - I mean I *am* still going to complain about something.

I was hoping I could kill two birds with one stone - alleviate the vast pile of twenties that I have in the store and get more quarters and dollar bills, in which I am lacking. I have to leave the store unattended with a note that says "back in 20 minutes" and since I am carless, my only option is to run across the street to the bank with $40. I've done this many times before. Today, however, the teller refused me service because I am not an account holder.

Isn't the whole point of a bank to hold money? Why do I have to have an account there to make an even trade? There is no paperwork involved, you don't even need to turn on the computer. The money totals will be the same (for both of us) at the end of the day.

And guess what? Your being rude to me made me not want to become a customer of yours.
Now someone at my store is going to get lots of dimes or something. Thanks for that.

more fun at the bank

I guess the bank is my new post office. In reality, I'd rather duel with the PO, because the bank controls my money and I need money for everything.

So I did my normal Friday thing: stop at the gas station en route from work to the bank. The bank is open til 6 on Fridays, which I think is such a good idea. At the gas station, my ATM card was declined. Makes sense, because I never got a chance to deposit the check to rectify it the day before. No prob, I thought. I'll get gas after making my deposit today.

But then I got to the bank. My normal girl, Lindsay - the BFF at the bank - wasn't there so I made a sad face. Had I only known the sad face would be so insufficient... I coulda gone to another branch. But then I wouldn't have a story for you today.

Here's the conversation:

me: Hi! I need to make a deposit! (I get out 3 checks.)
not BFF: ok, I can take care of you. (type type type, then frown frown frown - I'm sure because she saw the negative $500 balance.)
me: Will these clear tonight? I need to get gas.
not BFF: No, they won't be in your account until at least midnight tonight, and then tomorrow is Saturday, so they might not clear until the next business day, Monday.
me: Really? Because I make the same deposit every week, and I've never had a problem before. In fact, I was told that as long as I came in & talked to a person instead of using the ATM they would be in my account immediately. That's why I come in every week.
not BFF (suddenly Super Bitch): Actually, I'm not even supposed to be cashing these. They're all dated for tomorrow. You can't even deposit them today.
me: Actually only one of them is dated for tomorrow, and it's the same check I deposit every week without incident. You just said that they won't clear today anyway. But one of the checks is dated yesterday and one is dated today. So you can definitely deposit those.
not BFF: (sigh) Fine. I'll do it today, but next time you'll have to wait.
me: Then just deposit the other two.
not BFF: I'll do it just this once, but I'm not supposed to be doing this.

Then I took my reciept, crumpled it up, and threw it on the ground as I stormed out the door and called her a bitch.

When I got home, there was no record of the deposit I'd just made. (Normally my bank is instant like that.) I was gonna have to kill some folks if they didn't go through. This morning however, of the checks have cleared. Not surprisingly? the one that was dated for today hasn't gone through yet. Neat. Thanks Super Bank Bitch.



ps - the AIDS Walk is next week and I haven't met my goal yet! Please go donate!!!

that kind of day

So this morning, I left for work like normal. No prob, right? Yeah, until I tried to leave my apartment complex. That's when my car decided it was done, and completely stalled out. With the stalling came the locking up. No gas pedal, no brakes, no steering. Hey, you know what's fun? Driving a car onto a busy street while having no control. Thank Jebus there was no traffic, so there was no giant accident, and I am here to write for you another day. Of course, once I managed to get the immobile hunk of steel to the side of the road and figure out the hazard lights, I got many a dirty look from the people that had to change lanes to avoid me. Oh sorry, did my car breaking down inconvenience you? My deepest apologies. Really.

So I roll into work about 20 minutes late (after panically calling the bf for help and then getting gas), explain what happened, & try to begin my day. Right before lunch, I check my bank account. Oh, apparently my checking account is negative more than $500. Really? Because I bought 4 things this week: Taco Bell, Jimmie Johns (a yummy sandwich shop), Petco (because the cat needs to eat too) and my bridesmaid's dress. I already told you how much the dress cost - $40 - and that was the most expensive thing I bought all week. So how did I get so far in debt? Oh and did I mention that for every item I overdraft, I get charged almost $40? Call the bank. My deposit last week didn't clear. You mean my paycheck? My paycheck bounced? Seriously? Wah.

When I get back from lunch, the bosses are out so I can't demand my $566 back. But since they're out, I don't even have to pretend to work. I can just sit there singing along to the radio. When they did return, I told them & gave them my itemized list of things I need to be reimbursed for. They assured me that their bank made a boo-boo, and even showed me their online statement which confirmed it, and cut me a check for the fees and everything. "Go ahead and leave now, so you can go deposit that in the bank." (It was 4:45, so not like I got a half day or anything.)

Got to the bank. They hand me my check back. Nowadays, I guess the bank wants my deposit checks signed by the guy that wrote them. Really? Drive the mile & a half back to work, with all the super rush hour traffic that is a whole 'nuther rant. I let my peeps know they needed to sign it and was back on my way. Of course, it was too late to go back to the bank. So I did what any sane person would do - I went home.

Then I had a stiff drink.

quick bank update

So I did go and get a new bank account. The people there were totally nice *and* Jay gets a $25 gas card for referring me (since we share cars, that is awesome for everyone). I haven't fully closed my old bank account yet, because my newfound health insurance from work is supposed to be taken out soon. So I still check this old bank account every coupla days.

You'll never guess what I saw today. Apparently last week I had over $1100 in my bank account. You know, last week. Remember that, when I had all that money? I sure don't. But damn, I shoulda gone on a shopping spree!

But it did cement my choice to switch banks, because this bank is R-E-T-A-R-D-E-D!

bank, you just made my sh*t list

When I moved to MI, I had to open a new bank account. The bank I used in NYC doesn't have any branches around here, and I still needed a way to pay my bills. I looked around at my options and was unhappy with them. Most banks charge you a fee for checking unless you have direct deposit. Since I had no job, I obviously did not have direct deposit. (Incidentally, I still don't have direct deposit because my workplace is so small that they don't offer it.) So I chose the one bank that did offer free checking, and is conveniently about a block away.

My first interaction with the people at this bank should have been a sign. I should have run away screaming. But no. I did not heed the warnings. I continued to deposit my checks and spend my money using this bank as a middle man. I was noticing that it took several days for my payhecks to clear - like 4 or 5 days. That's fine, it's pretty normal. Then on the rare occasion that I would actually go out and spend money on the weekends, the transactions would either show up right away on the website, or not for the sacred 5 days. Either way, the bank would show me having a negative balance. However, I was never charged an overdraft fee or anything like that since I wasn't actually overdrawn. This was fine, as I deposit the exact same amount every week (to the penny!) and I do know how to manage my money and was not spending outside my means - I just couldn't rely on the website to give me an accurate or consistent number.

So I let that slide. I even found a branch near my work that was open til 7, so I could deposit my checks on Fridays after work and they would clear on Saturday (generally). The person in the bank explained that it takes a little longer when I use the ATM like I had been because the branch near my house closes at 4:30 (!). But they still weren't consistent on taking out my spending, even if I simply withdrew money from an ATM, sometimes it wouldn't show up for a week. This was working "fine" for me until last week.

I had a very important automatic withdrawl coming up. I even paid a $20 late fee to delay it a week so I was sure my bank wouldn't screw it up. Ha ha ha ha! I was very careful not to spend any money until after this withdrawl, and what little I did spend wouldn't be enough to affect it. Wrong! The bank decided to wait approximately 10 days to record a purchase. Conveniently enough, they took it out the exact same day as my automatic withdrawl, which was Friday morning. I deposit my paycheck Friday afternoon. So all of Friday I showed a negative balance of 20 bucks, which wouldn't have happened if the bank recorded things in a timely manner. When I deposited my check, I also wanted to take out some cash. They wouldn't give me any because my account showed negative, even though my check was more than enough to cover everything.

Then the clincher: This morning I woke up and my check had cleared so I was no longer in the negative range. AND they hadn't charged me any overdraft fees, which is good because I never was actually overdrafted. So I went to transfer some money from checking to savings. My savings account showed up in "my accounts" but was not an option to transfer to or from. So I tried to do it over the phone. It said that was an invalid account. I just opened the damn thing like 2 weeks ago, and had used it. Why would it be invalid? So I pressed all the buttons and waited on hold for a real person to tell me wtf was up.

Sidenote: I opened the savings account in preparation for that important automatic withdrawl, which occurs every month. I transfer some money from checking each week so I don't accidentally spend it. Then at the end of the month I transfer it all back right before it gets withdrawn. I thought it was a damn good plan, and I made sure there was no minimum balance required to open the savings account for this reason.

So the guy gets on and I'm like "WTF?" and he's like well, no you can't transfer money into your savings because your savings account is closed. Why would it be closed? I just opened it and I filled out all the paperwork and they sent me my little welcome package or whatever. And that was just a few days ago. Well apparently even though there is no minimum balance required, if you have a zero balance for 5 days the account is automatically closed. They did not tell me this or obviously I would not have opened the account. 5 days? That's not even a week. How is that "no minimum balance required?"

So I let the guy know where he could shove that policy and hung up on him. Now I'm heading off to start a new bank account at Jay's bank. Everything I've seen with him is good, plus they will give me a $25 gas card for being referred by a friend. And they are superior in every way. So I spit on you, old bank. You suck.

adventures at the bank

To prove that I really do live in Michigan now, I needed a new bank account. (Besides the fact that the old one was shared with the xbf.) I did a bit of research and finally decided on a bank that met most of my requirements: There are lots of branches / ATMs around here (though none in CA or NY or many of the other places I may travel), and it is possible to have a checking account that 1) does not have a minimum balance requirement 2) does not require direct deposit and 3) does not charge a monthly fee. Conveniently enough, there is a branch right around the corner from my apartment. So yesterday I set out on a New Bank Account Quest.

There was snow on the ground, and it was cold outside, but other than that the weather was favorable. And because my internet at home had not been working for a few days and I was having withdrawals, I packed up my tiny laptop into my tiny backpack, and set out on my merry way, thinking that I may find some place with free wifi and lunch. The one thing I did forget, however, was my new camera (wanna see the official review?). Of course I realized this when I saw some cool bird tracks in the snow and had no way of digitally commemorating them.

I hit the bank first, and am still getting over the fact that there are not 10,000 people everywhere I go, like I'm used to from the good old NYC days. I walked right up to the counter, the person was smiley, and I put my name down to go into the special back office where apparently new accounts are set up. (That sounds totally shady, and I kinda wish it was because it would make for a better story, but I assure you it was a very normal bank transaction.)

I told the guy that I wanted to set up a checking account, and was a tiny bit offended when he didn't bother asking which account I wanted. Sure, he chose the free one which *is* the one I wanted, but can you please not assume that because I have blue hair and a punkrock t-shirt that I don't have the $20,000 required for the "gold" account? kthnxbai. Then he asked how much I wanted to deposit and I pulled out $100 in cash and a check for $12.09*. We both laughed at the fact that I had a check for 12 bucks, but his laugh was more patronizing than mine. But it wasn't just his laugh that was patronizing. It was the questions Have you applied for a MI driver's license yet? and Are you planning on getting a job? I "politely" informed him that, yes, I would do these things say maybe after I've lived here more than 2 weeks. But, I never have to deal with that guy again, thanks to the magic of Automatic Teller Machines and Direct Deposit (once I get that job he was poking at), so fah to him.

Mission 1 accomplished, I set out for mission 2, finding internet. There are a coupla strip malls around, and being the spoiled NY girl that I am, I assumed somewhere around would have wifi, and maybe some lunch I could buy on the pretense of using their internet. If I was in NYC, I wouldn't be able to turn around without finding a place. I checked a coupla bagel / sandwich places, and even a McDonalds, but no luck. So I pouted and gave up and went home. Luckily for me and the rest of the world, my Jason roughed up the internet providers a little so that I could continue with my addiction.

The end. Or is it?....




*Apparently I was involved in some class action suit against some big company or whatever. Hey, when people send me checks, even tiny ones, I don't ask questions.


ps, here's a picture of my cute little laptop. It's blue like my camera, and it's covered in stickers so you know it's mine.