I want to go to BlogHer!

A little bird told me that Queen of Spain is giving away a registration pass to BlogHer 09. Here's why I want / need that.

I've only been to one BlogHer conference - 2007 in Chicago. The only reason I was able to go is that I got the student discount* and shared accommodations with three wonderful ladies. Last year I couldn't go because I had just gotten a job after moving from NYC to MI and suffering through 6 months of unemployment. Even though it was pretty much in my old stomping grounds, I couldn't afford the trip. That made me sad.

The whole reason I started blogging was to provide my real life friends with updates. When you move around the country as much as I have, it gets real difficult to stay in touch with everyone, and everyone missed my meaningless little blurbs (and I missed giving them). However, the added bonus of my writing adventures was making all sorts of new virtual friends. I still considered them friends, even though we hadn't met in real life.

In Chicago, I got to meet many of these people whose lives I already knew. I met more that would soon become new friends. Not to mention the interesting topics and speakers at the conference (I got to meet Amy Sedaris!). The fact that I was there with people I knew made some difference. I wasn't a loner in the corner - in fact, even if I hadn't gone with friends, I know I would have made some. The women I met at that conference were so spectacular that I know they changed my life. Maybe not in a major way, but it gave me more people to care about and read about during my days. Then I get to vicariously experience things I might not in my own life: everything from the trials and joys of parenthood to assorted diseases to even just city life in places I'd never been. I love being able to interact with all these different people.

I was so bummed hearing of all the goings-on last year that I missed. I promised myself that I would definitely try to make this one. Unfortunately it hasn't been a good year financially for me thanks to 3 more months of unemployment (yes that's 9 out of 12 months that I've lived in MI that I haven't had an income). But the conference is in Chicago again this year, which is technically not that far from Detroit. If I have a car by then, I could even drive there.

The point is, the BlogHer 07 trip was one of the best I've ever taken. I don't want to get all cliche and talk about sisterhood and bonding, but it was there. The conference gets bigger each year, so it's a wonderful way to be a part of something grand. I even have my own laptop this time!

If any of you ave any memories of previous BlogHers (especially 07, hint hint) I would love to hear them.






*I had been accepted into Columbia's grad school program but ended up not going. Who knew Ivy League schools were so expensive?

good night and good luck

As I write this, many of my bloggy buddies are heading off to glorious San Francisco for BlogHer 08. Since you are reading this, you can guess that I am not among them, mostly because that whole "moving halfway across the country and not having a job for 4 months" thing left me with no money for registration, airfare, hotel, and fun. This makes me sad for many many reasons, like:

-I had an awesome time last year. I met lots of new bloggy friends and thoroughly enjoyed myself.

-Several of my friends are speaking (or having a book signing). I want to be there. This would be a chance to meet some people in person for the 1st time, catch up with those I only see at blog stuff, and reconnect with those that I've moved away from & don't get to hang out with on a regular basis anymore.

-San Francisco is my fave city in the world. Besides the fact that I would also get to visit with some of my non-bloggy CA friends, my loving boyfriend has never been there. I want to be in SF conference or no conference.

-I have my own laptop this year. Last year I didn't have one, so I was mooching off my friends.

-85% of the blogs I read are going to revolve around BlogHer for the next coupla weeks. In a bitter "you had to be there" move, I will probably not read a great many of them.

If those aren't some pretty damn good reasons for wishing I was there, I don't know what are. So those of you that are probably reading this en route or there already, think of me. If you talk about me enough, it's like I'm there.

Those of you not going to San Francisco, come up to Detroit. We'll have our own blogging party and then all those "BlogHer folks" will be totally jealous of us. You can totally stay with me. (Jay won't mind, right?)

I'm not bitter.

Sunday des-pair

I still don't have a job. The temp agency hasn't called me since I turned down the last job. I spent some time regretting that decision, but I also spent some time going over the logistics of spending 45+ minutes each way in a car that isn't mine with gas that costs like $4 a gallon. I had high hopes for another job at an un-named popular gothy mall store, but when I went back in to apply and talk to the person again, she made it sound like there wasn't a position they were hiring for specifically. (Before, she'd indicated that they would be hiring a new store manager in June, which is why I even applied.)

So besides still not paying my bills, recent events have occurred that have and will continue to put a massive drain on our finances. Not to mention I still have to pay for a trip to CA in October for my sister's wedding. I don't like to think about the trips I'm giving up, like back to NYC for Suzanne's book release party and to San Francisco for this year's BlogHer conference. I'm crankin out jewelry like crazy, but nobody's buying. In fact, the other day I had to report someone to Etsy for "buying" something but never paying - or responding to my emails, for that matter.

I spend my days at home not spending money. We recently got a membership at Stupid Video Rental, which wouldn't let me sign up because I don't have a MI driver's license. AND our Jay's membership is only good at that location, even though it's a nationwide chain. We haven't gone to the zoo lately because we sleep til noon and the zoo is only open til like 4 or 5. So even though it's free because Jay is a member, it's not worth the hour round trip to just spend a coupla hours there.

So yeah, that's my life still. I keep waiting for things to change, but they really aren't doing so. But sometimes when I whine in a public forum like this, wheels get set in motion. Let's do that.

my least favorite part

I know, I know, you're sick of hearing about BlogHer. This is the last one, I promise.

On Sunday, the day after the conference ended, we signed up for an informal "unconference." It cost about $25 more, but we figured what the heck. What the heck indeed. It was in our own hotel, so we went downstairs. At the bottom of the stairs was a small room with breakfast - plates of fruit, coffee, and a toaster for bagels and english muffins (also supplied). As the girls and I gathered our morning foodstuffs, some woman we'd never seen before (and that did not work for BlogHer) comes between Suzanne and I and says that we need to go in the other room and sit in the circle. What? We need to finish getting the breakfast that we paid for because we are already cranky and who the hell are you?

So she walks away and we continue gathering our breakfast. When we go into the other room, there are plenty of empty tables around. This is because everyone (30 or so people) is sitting in chairs in a circle. We all decide it would be best to put our food & drink on a table instead of out laps because we are less talented in the "eating not messy" area than some people might think. So we are eating at a table, relatively close to the precious circle - and I mean close enough to still hear what's going on - and the same lady comes over and says "You need to go in the circle! Right now!"

My memory was clouded by rage and hunger, so I don't remember who responded first. But Suzanne and I definitely tag-teamed the psycho bitch by saying, "No, we need to eat our damn breakfast, and you need to shut the hell up about the circle. This is supposed to be an informal meeting. You need to stop bossing us around and let us eat our damn breakfast!" (I told you we were cranky!) The woman rolls her eyes at us and walks away muttering "fine, don't sit in the circle!" which was loud enough for Count Mockula to hear, but quiet enough for Suze and I to miss under our voracious chewing and slurping.

So we take our time with breakfast. I for one have already decided that I hate this psycho bitch. Alex Elliot was a good girl and went to sit in the circle. Suze decided she would go over just for the introductions and then come back. I continued eating until psycho bitch (now with microphone action) gets to the place I would be sitting. I calmly walk over and sit down while Suze does her introduction. I notice that psycho bitch is also an utter control freak because she insists on holding the microphone up to people's mouths while they say their one allotted sentence (if you go over your small limit then psycho bitch control freak gets even angrier), instead of just handing it to them. Suze of course is feisty, so she yanked the mic out of psycho bitch control freak's hand. My turn came and I tried to also yank, but psycho bitch control freak had wizened up and would not lose control again. During my entire sentence, which felt like an eternity, we were playing tug-of-war with the mic. Lame. When I was done, I went back to my table and my breakfast, where Count Mock had remained the whole time.

I'll point out some of the "issues" that were highlighted by psycho bitch control freak (and posted on the walls) while I was eating.
-Whenever people show up, that's the right time to begin. Unless they are trying to eat breakfast.
-Whomever shows up, those are the people that are supposed to be there. Again, unless they are trying to eat breakfast.
-If you are not participating, you are bringing down the energy of the group, so it's better for everyone if you just leave. So I got up and left.

I went back to the hotel room, made some phone calls, and watched a helicopter do a cargo run on the roof across the the street. Soon the other gals joined me, and we proceeded on our day to go do fun things. We heard from other people later that the "unconference" got a lot better, but psycho bitch control freak had already blown it with me. I had much more fun on my Suzanne-led tour of Chicago (which included yummy yummy ice cream and a boat tour) than I would have if I stayed to be yelled at.

The lesson is: don't mess with someone when they are tired and cranky.

2 legit 2 quit

It's really cool if you say your name and someone recognizes you from your blog. It kinda makes you feel like a celeb. Especially when someone recognizes you because they are a psycho stalker.

Yeah, this happened to me at BlogHer.

During the semi-lame "meet and greet" thingy, I was doing my thing, introducing myself and handing out cards like crazy. I got to one lady and said "hi, I'm des." and she said "wait - the wonderful world of des?" and I was like yeah! You know me! Then she turned evil and said "You took us off!"
what?
You took us off your site. I'm from codename: psycho spyware company.
Oh! My blog template crashed a while back and I lost a lot of my links. (This is true, btw.)
We were really bummed around the office that you took us off.
Oh, like I said, I lost a lot of links, and people had to email me their stuff again. I guess I didn't realize I lost yours because I never really look at my own site except in edit mode.
Well maybe you'll put us back on. (menacing glare)

Thankfully it was time to meet and greet the next person. But I ran back and told my friends about that odd experience.

Then later in the weekend we were at the closing "cocktail hour." We had other places to be, so I was playing wrangler and gathering all my friends up. En route, I was stopped again, by the same lady.
Des!
Oh hi, listen I gotta go - I'm trying to get somewhere.
(she grabs my shoulders and "leads" me away) Let me give you a t-shirt. Will you wear it?
(no response)
Is that a yes or a no?
I guess. listen, I really need to go....
And maybe you'll put our link back on your site!
I told you, my template crashed and I lost everything.
I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!
Excuse me? If that's the way you're going to be I'm not going to link to you at all.
ha ha ha, I'm just kidding. Here's a t-shirt.

I take it and run off to again tell my friends about this psycho. I give the t-shirt to Suzanne, even though Count Mockula had a great idea about ninety-fying the shirt (you know, with fringe and wooden beads like people used to wear back in the day?). But when Suze was able to hold the shirt over her head and still see everything that was going on because of the paper-thinness, it was decided that the shirt and everything it represented would have to be burned. I'm not actually sure what happened to it, but I'm fine with that.

And if you're reading this, psycho "product evangelist" and I'm sure you know who you are, here's a tip:
DON'T BE SUCH A PSYCHO, AND NO, I WON'T LINK TO YOUR COMPANY.

chiggity Chicago

My trip from NY to Chi-town was less than pleasant. My flight was delayed 5 hours, and when we finally got in the air (after sitting on the runway for 3 hours) we had turbulence. I mean the kind of turbulence that you see in movies right before everyone dies. The kind of turbulence where things are flying off the tray tables and people are screaming. The oxygen masks did not drop, but I'll admit that I had a few thoughts of Pink Floyd's The Wall being the last thing I ever see. Obviously I made it through and survived to eat bad oatmeal.

The conference was fun and busy. I met lots of new people, including, oh I don't know, AMY SEDARIS! She signed my book for me. It says "des, go with what you know - good times!"
See?
(Actually, she's signing Count Mockula's book in this photo, but mine was just before it. I have the book as proof.)

Speaking of the Count, we recorded a video thanks to AOL Body, one of the pointless sponsors of the conference. Though they did give out bitchin laptop bags. As a preface to the video, realize that we thought we were hilarious when we said we looked like the Pet Shop Boys, before "taping" began. (The video auto-starts. Sorry. And I don't think Blogger will let me upload it directly to the page. Poo.)

At the end of the conference, and completely unrelated, Suzanne took us to the Venetian Festival, which is Chicago's term for decorating boats with pretty lights and sailing them around for all to see. All to see, that is, except those who are too lazy to walk down far enough, as we and hundreds of other people were. BUT after the non-parade (though we did see 2 boats, one less decorated than the other) came the best fireworks display I've ever seen. About 45 minutes of eye-popping delight. And I took a bunch of really cool pictures, so look for them in the near future... maybe as my new header.

THEN we went on a Suzanne-guided tour of the Windy City, and we learned that it got that name not from the horrible ice-wind that stabs you as you walk towards that Great Lake, but from the Chicagoan politicos of old that boasted that Chicago was as great as New York. The NYers are the ones that gave Chi its name. With good cause. Don't get me wrong, I had an awesome time in the Windy City, but I'm a NYer, born and bred (in theory). And I met a few people that still used the phrase "anything you can find in New York, Chicago has too." I won't mention any names, Suzanne's dad.

YOu can read more details about my adventures from my suitemates that were laptop-equipped and so did not have to bottle up their blogginess until they came home to their trusty old desktop.
Here are some that mention me specifically, and that I was going to write about anyway (but I won't now) though you should read all of everything because they are my friends for a reason!
-Campaign for Unshaved Snatch (CUSS) & Other Rants: Camping in My Mom's Underwear
-Campaign for Unshaved Snatch (CUSS) & Other Rants: Best breakfast EVER
-Count Mockula's Naught Bits: The Great Pizza Bill Debacle
-Count Mockula's Naughty Bits: Not Gonna Remember it All
-Formula Fed & Flexible Parenting: Day One of Blogher
-red stapler: Mea culpa
Fun times indeed.

where to begin?

I was gone for 11 days, but it seems longer. It is very nice to sleep in your own bed, with your cat's nails walking on you, just like old times. And for some reason I woke up this "morning" at noon with a killing headache. And there is no coffee or soy milk. What the heck was that boy doing while I was gone? Anyway, let's hope my old routine of drinking tea and blogging sets me right.

First, a general overview of the trip. As a refresher, I spent a few days at the BlogHer conference in Chicago, then a few more days in CA to be Maid of Honor in my best friend's wedding. I had a lot of fun, but am tired. And I will break my descriptions up into segments because I don't want them to be the longest things ever.

Now that my headache is gone and I've begun writing again, it's good to be back! (Of course soon I will have to fully snap back into reality and continue working on that whole "finding a job" thing.

Missed y'all!

new blog buddies

Here is a list of all of the blogs whose writes I met at BlogHer (that gave me their cards or some token to remember them). Look for an updated Linky List at some point when I have time.

AND go to Suebob's photos on Flickr to add some visual.

a mommy story
anderson at large
a stitch in time
average jane
badgerbag
beauty and fashion tech
by jane
carrisa blog
cheeky attitude
cookthink
craft leftovers
crafty chica
Denise from BlogHer
diary of a crazed mommy
every day I write the book
her bad mother
hola, isabel!
I, asshole
kari's couch
lawyer mama
maman des filles
naughty monkey
ninja poodles
plain jane mom
punditmom
sanity & the solo mom
strength in our numbers
Cooper and Emily from the motherhood
weird girl
work it, mom!

There were probably more that I can't seem to find right now.

adventures in oatmeal

After a full day of eating side dishes because there were less optimal veggo dishes than I would have preferred (you mean I can have chicken or sausage or shrimp wrapped in bacon?), BlogHer finally came to its senses. They told us this morning that there are vegetarian / vegan dishes available, but they aren't out because "they look so tasty that the non-vegetarians might eat it all up." We (apparently) just have to ask one of the tuxedo guys.

I got a tip from a second grader that there was oatmeal to be had. Though I had my share of tasty fruits, bagels, and a pastry for good measure, I like me some oatmeal. So I asked a tuxedo guy.
"No, there's no oatmeal on the menu."
"But I thought there was a special meal for vegetarians and vegans."
"I don't think so but I'll go ask in the back."

I came back to my table friends and reported on my possible lack of oatmeal. I was in turn told that I should have gone to the other table and asked for Andres, who is clearly the secret contact through the gateway of veganism. But then the tuxedo guy I had asked came out with a
bowl and I got excited with oatmeal anticipation. He set it down in front of me and... it looked like a bowl of water with oats in it. It was uber-runny and not at all having the consistency usually associated with oatmeal - even the instant microwave kind.

So I took a bite. It was cold. I was served a lump of oats submerged in cold water. I didn't eat it.

blog blog bloggity blogher

Here I am in Chicago, an hour and a half flight from NYC. But it didn't take me an hour and a half, did it? No, it took me 9 hours. That's right, 4 hours in the airport while they delayed and delayed my flight, then 5 hours on the plane. Almost 3 of those last hours were me sitting on the plane on the tarmac while (invisible) thunderstorms ravaged the Chicago area.

the 4 of us slept soundly and woke to come to the conference and get yummy yummy breakfast. There was a "speed dating" thing in which I repeated my name and blog stats 10,000 times while 2 circles pretended to move so we could pretend to meet new people. But I was a busy bee and gave out many business cards. I also came to realize that (other than my jewelry blog) I have nothing to offer a prospective reader. Hey, wanna read about my mundane life? I make it funny and some things make me mad. It's just like everyone else's.

So yeah. I took a lecture on "branding myself" in which I learned the following: conform, specialize (but combine topics), don't throw spaghetti, write better, be interesting, and above all, get a new tagline. Now I'm in a session telling me not to eat chicken soup just so I can blog about it. Sorry folks, I don't eat chicken soup anyway. If I did, it would be a truly blogworthy event. You know, like every single thing I've written ever. Ever.




ps - I'm using Count Mockula's computer which has no printed letters on many of the keys, causing me much strife as I continually mix up my Cs and Vs. Lucky for me though, Kimberly is sitting next to me and, ahem, correcting me. It's because she cares, and that's a direct quote.