Saturday, May 03, 2008

lessons in jackassery

Pretend you've got some friends that just moved into a new apartment. Because you have no life, you spend every night at this new apartment too. Little do you know that your friends try to avoid you and discourage you from coming over Every. Single. Night. But you still go, and because of your constant presence, you've also met your friends' new neighbors that live downstairs. Unlike you, this cute couple is not upstairs every night, and they are encouraged to visit.

But, this cute couple is very cool so you have become quite comfortable in their presence. So much so that you have no problem walking onto their patio while they are outside grilling, or leaving a box of trash on their patio, or looking into the sliding glass door to see why they aren't outside or upstairs. Even when the house is dark except for the tv, that doesn't stop you from knocking on the glass.

First, ask to use each of their phones - you know, because yours is dead so you can't get ahold of the upstairs folks so they can let you in the building (I'm sure that's an accident, right?). When Cute Boy says "well, we're gonna get back to our movie..." pay no mind to that - you should just stand there silently hinting for an invite inside.

Notice that Cute Girl is glaring at you from her comfy seat on the couch and Cute Boy is not inviting you in even though your virtual begging is not lost on him. It's clearly a date night, but there is probably nothing going on between Cute Couple. Keep in mind that you have done that "patio door knocking" thing and seen them showing their affection to each other (in a fully-clothed sort of way because Cute Couple is not that stupid). So that probably wouldn't happen this time.*

So anyway, you should keep hoping for an invite inside because they must be like you and have nothing else going on. But Cute Boy repeats his attempt to get back to the movie and pretty much shuts the door on you. You also don't know that when Upstairs Girl Friend calls back Cute Girl (remember, you used her phone to call but didn't leave a message) and finds out it was you, there is a sad resigned groan. UGF really wanted Cute Couple to come visit, but when she finds out it was you she is disappointed but not surprised.

And that folks, is a lesson in jackassery. It's happened in real life to your humble narrator (aka Cute Girl), so you know it's a foolproof plan.

* We were actually watching the movie. It was Harry Potter 4.

No comments:

# #