Thursday, February 28, 2008

eating desorder

The problem with not having a job, besides the whole "no money" thing, is that I have all the time in the world to ... well, do nothing. For a few days it was good because Jay was home, so we did all sorts of fun things like go to the zoo and whatnot. But then he got sick, and while he was technically still home, he was in bed sleeping most of the day. So I've fallen back into my old habits.

Unfortunately my old habits are bad habits, as they involve food. Whereas when most people have days off, they eat and eat and eat, I do the opposite. I get so involved in my important work* that I forget to eat entirely. I start getting all shaky and weak and cranky. Then I lay on the couch, edging towards unconsciousness, thinking about how I should be eating. However, it is of no use because everything I can think of sounds yucky. At this point my logical robot brain is broken, so all logic is out the window. I would rather fade away into nothingness than eat something that didn't taste good. And it's things that I normally consider quite tasty, so there is absolutely no basis in Reality World for my thought processes.

Eventually I snap out of it. Sure, I end up eating something like candy or doritos which help my state only minimally. But it's enough to get me through until someone else comes around and I am no longer alone with my crazy, and my newfound best friend can make sure that I eat. So I live to starve another day.

(And no, I'm not anorexic, as I normally love to eat. But I need structure to my day so that I can do this. Logical robot brain. Sorry.)

Speaking of logical robot brains, here is my horoscope for today:
Attempts to use logic to overcome the desires of your heart probably won't be successful today. Even if you can usually convince yourself of nearly anything, your stream of clever words won't be heard by your irrational needs now. Emotions, not cool reason, are dictating your thoughts. Instead of redirecting your feelings, try listening to them.

*You may recall that my important work involves a strict regimen of game shows and Zelda.


Suzanne said...

Well, I am your typical unemployed* overeater, so I'm going to send a few hundred of the extra calories I consume. They will give you lots of energy!

*Now that my teaching gig and consulting job ended, I am officially jobless.

super des said...

Thanks suzanne. You are very generous.

flutter said...

you know it is funny, when I am busy I eat very very's when I am bored that I get into trouble

super des said...

Yeah, I'm exactly the opposite. At least your way makes sense.

LittlePea said...

I've done that before. I eat like a scavenger when I'm by myself and at weird times or not at all. I had a weird-sick-dark eating problem in my teens. I don't call it a disorder because it had nothing to do with food or body image I think looking back it was about control. Sounds to me though like you just do like I sometimes do when you're bored and just get lazy about food when there's no one to eat with, like," why bother I guess maybe I'll have these chips and eat something real later," and then it turns into anxiety because you're actually hungry and possibly panicking at you to do something but you just feel, meh whatever.... is that it?

super des said...

Pea, that's exactly it. I'm like "I have all day to eat, I can finish reading this blog right now."

Ah, logic.

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