des vs. the stapler

My days at work have been very boring. Granted, I have only one day left before I pack up and become a Midwesterner and find some other job that involves wowing the public with my big city skillz, but I've still been bored. There has been the occasional bitchy customer, but nothing worth remembering at the end of the day. I've been reading far too much about the history of stewardesses (did you know they started out as flying nurses and then devolved into sex objects and are now businesspeople?), including Coffee, Tea, or Me, which is an entertaining book but not worth spending money on.

Today I decided that I hated the stapler at the register and set out to find the old one. When I found it, it had no staples. So I struggled to open it up, and (luckily) before I inserted staples, it snapped shut on my hand. I'm glad there were no customers (or other employees) in the store, because I may have yelled "ow goddam motherfucker that hurt!" Of course I probably didn't yell that, because I'm a very controlled young lady and do not scream random cuss words in a workplace-type setting.

I frowned at the stapler as I watched blood seep from the back of my hand. But I thought, I'm tough, I can handle this, and continued on the old Repair the Stapler Quest. Then I noticed that something was very very wrong. Some metal piece of the stapler was bent in a way that was unnatural even for a manmade tool. I kinda tried to fix it, but I was still a little gun shy of that whole snapping shut and making me bleed thing. It didn't take me long to give up. However, I am also a considerate young lady, so I left a note warning people before going back to my very important book.



Some point later, another employee came up. "What's with this?" she asked, indicating the scene found in the above photo. I told her the story, complete with a dramatic re-enactment and poignant illustration by the bloody digit. She looked at me, looked at the stapler, and looked at me with an even more confused countenance. Then she threw the stapler in the trash.

And that is how des won her victory over the evil stapler.