'tis the season

Normally the customers at my store are regular and normal and don't irritate me even though *some* of them are idiots (which is bound to happen, and I accept that). But xmastime shopping brings out the loonies.

Phone rings:
person: Yeah, hi, how much is that laptop bag?
me: which one?
person: in the back, against the wall on the right.
me: yeah, that's where all the laptop bags are. Do you know which company makes it?
person: (to someone else not on the phone) Which company makes it?
(to me) I don't know.
me: ok. Um, what color is it?
person: (to someone else not on the phone) Is it black or brown?
(to me) It's brown.
me: Ok, that eliminates a few. Do you know what material it's made of?
person: (to someone else not on the phone) What's it made out of?
(to me) No.
me: ooookaaaay. Is it plain or does it have designs?
person: It has iron stitching.
me: I don't know what that means. I'm not sure which bag you're looking for. Can you give me any more details?
person: (to someone else not on the phone) What else?
(to me) It has iron stitching. It's right there.
me, glancing over my shoulder expecting to see someone on a cell phone: Maybe you should just come down here. We close at 9 tonight.

I don't know if they ever came in. Or why I couldn't talk to the person who had actually seen the bag.

Then later:
A guy walks in the store and makes a beeline for me at my post in the back.
me: Hi!
guy: Do you work here?
me: I sure do!
guy, looking around, confused: So uh... what do you sell here?
(I gesture around to the entire store)
guy: so, like, just stuff?
me: Yeah. Just stuff.

then later still:
I admit it. It was me. I was the annoying customer. Just because I had a "little" sushi accident at lunch that involved spilling soy sauce all over my pants, shoes, the counter, the floor, and somehow not the computer. I smelled like soy sauce for the rest of the day. I'm sure nobody else could smell it, but thanks to the super combo of Super Smell Power and paranoia, I kept trying to move throughout the crowded store to get away from the soy sauciness of myself. But at least I wasn't an idiot.