semi-Halloween related shenanigans

The Saturday before Halloween? Always the best parties ever. After sorting out my many options (yes, I actually had options!) I ended up at a bar with lawyers. Surprise. So to amuse myself while they talked shop, I made up games to play. The best one was quizzing random people on the first word in the song "Living On A Prayer." I'd say "who used to work on the dock?" And they'd try to sing it to themselves and not remember the name. This was really funny to me because I arrived to the party late because I had to work. So these people already had much more alcohol in them than I.

After I got a few random strangers involved in my game, they all *had* to know the answer. So I commanded my minions to find me someone from Jersey. LOAP is New Jersey's state song, which makes Bon Jovi their state bird or something. Anyway, first Jerseyite we found knew the answer was Johnny. Johnny used to work on the docks. The union went on strike. Well, you know the rest. That cracked me up to no end.

We were kind of standing near the bathroom, so we could see the various groups of people going in together. At first we assumed they were just having sex, because that's what people do in bar bathrooms, but when enough of them came out twitching and rubbing their noses, it dawned on us that these lawyers people were doing coke. That also cracked me up so when I had to go in and actually use the bathroom for it's factory-designated purpose, I said I would also come out twitching and rubbing my nose, you know, to fit in. Then when a lone guy came out of the girls' bathroom and told me not to tell anyone, all my brainpower was used in trying to figure out what it was I shouldn't tell (like I've never used the guys' room at a crowded bar? and he didn't pee on the seat even, so what do I care?) so I forgot to pretend I was doing coke. One of my newfound bar friends called me on it and made me look quite the fool. And that made everyone laugh hysterically.

At one point I saw a guy dressed like a cow (which was funny in of itself because cows are always funny). The back of his costume was open (he was wearing clothes underneath) so I pulled back a flap and had myself a peek inside. I was really checking to see if there was a zipper or something that he forgot to use, but it totally looked like I was checking out his goods. The great thing about drunk people is that you can do stuff like that and they won't notice. However my friends and the cow's girlfriend all noticed, and each one of them died laughing. I admit, I'm pretty darn funny when I do impulsive crap like that. (Which is often.) And nobody cared.

I also spent a large portion of the night convincing people that my new tattoo is real. It was a very non-tattoo crowd (I didn't see a single other person with ink) and they all were mystified by my enchanting array of flowers. Random people would approach and say things like "tell the truth - that's fake, right?" I don't have the kind of time or energy needed to draw something so intricate on myself with a sharpee. Or have it drawn on me, more likely, because I couldn't do that on my own shoulder. I let people touch it and everything, and word spread, and I was instantly the coolest person there. It helped my superiority complex a little.

So that was my fun night. On the subway ride there, some guy actually lit up a cigarette and was smoking away. Yeah, there's a reason that smoking is illegal on the subway. The whole car fills with smoke and nobody can breathe or see. Someone finally told him to stop because there was a baby on the train, which may have been untrue, but it worked. I still got off at the next stop and switched cars because I like that whole breathing thing. Everything after that was super fun though even though I was in a loud crowded bar (and y'all know I avoid those places).