ah, rejection

The problem is that I get my hopes up too quickly. Say for example, that my very awesome friend Suzanne submitted an article to the local free paper and they liked it so much they paid her to be able to put it in their paper so that godknowshowmany people could read it. Maybe I wished to emulate her. Pretend that after some help from said friend, I send my submission off on its merry little email way.

Of course they are going to publish it. I like it. Suzanne likes it. And just because Suzanne and I think in very similar ways doesn’t mean that what we like isn’t good. In fact, it means that what we like is extra good. So there is no question about if the paper will send me a cold hard check to put my name on the list of “published writers.” Only when.

I already know what I’m going to buy with the money. I’ve already written the announcement blog in my head letting everyone know how great I am. I’m the Champion of the World. Nothing can bring me down. That is, nothing except a rejection letter. Not a form letter. Not “thank you for your submission but at this time we are unable to use your work, excellent though it may be.” More of a “I was going to ignore you but you’ve forced me to say this. Your work is unusable. Next time, do us all a favor and quit before you even try” kind of thing, i.e.

Thanks so much for your column submission, but I’m afraid we’re going to pass. Feel free to also send column pitches in the future so that I can let you know if we can use the column before you’ve gone through the trouble of writing it.

Well the joke’s on them because I didn’t go through that much trouble to write it. It was a revamped blog. Hypothetically, I mean. It would be a revamped blog. If I were to do such a thing.

After getting such a letter, I might throw a pity party. I might cry a little in the bathroom at work. I might stick to the contention that I’d always liked the other free paper better. I might firebomb the building. Or I might do none of these things. I might go write a blog about it, touting my greatness for the select group of people that already know and appreciate the wonderful world of des. I might stick out my chin and submit something else sometime to come. I could say that I’m still a freelance writer, even though nobody has paid me or published any of my work.

But I’m super, so thankfully none of this will ever happen.