Friday, May 12, 2006

lots of things to say

So here I am, at work (surprise) and I have a few things on my mind. I apologize that this won't be a completely coherent post like the most. And yes, I did have to make that rhyme.

When the call button has already very obviously been pushed, pushing it again will not make the elevator come sooner. Even less effective is repeatedly jamming the button.
When the elevator does come, you don't need to stand guard to make sure you can press the "close doors" button as soon as the last person enters or exits (or before they are finished entering or exiting). Amazingly, the doors will close on their own if you wait just 2 seconds. Again, jamming the button or holding it in does not work any better. In fact, jamming the button might actually break it. Then what annoying thing will you do? I'm sure you'll think of something.

Speaking of annoying things. I saw a toy called "the Unicorn's Revenge." It featured a plastic unicorn with 4 interchangable horns and 3 impale-able action figures. Each horn had its own power, like speedreading, and each action figure was an effigy of a real-life annoying person. The description on the back of the box said something like this:
Don't you hate that annoying businessman that talks loudy into his cell phone on the elevator? What about the lady at the new-age bookstore who is too busy telling you about how her soul met someone else's soul to let you buy your book? Or that annoying mime asking for change by badly pretending to be trapped in a box? If you believe in unicorns, really believe, then a unicorn will be summoned to "take care" of these little annoyances.
God, it was hilarious. And it was only $14. I did that thing where "I don't need it" but then I can't stop thinking about it, and when I went back it was gone. :(

I was recently made aware of this. This cracks me up, and I wish I had thought of it first, or could at least meet the person or persons behind it to tell them that they are great.

I am totally paranoid. I always think people are talking about me, even when there is no reason that they should be. People at work, strangers, even friends that are standing a few feet away from me. Except for the computer chip they put in my tooth, I'm not worried about it. It's just annoying is all.
My brain even went so far today as to tell me that my boss left early today so he could spy on me and see what I do when he's not here. I believed my brain for a little bit, but then when the boss mentioned to other people that he was leaving, my fears were slightly alleviated. My brain figured the whole office would be in on the scheme. But my boss is smart - he could still be in the midst of a brilliant plan to spy on me. It's boss versus brain. I'll let you know how that turns out.

Bourbon + fudge doesn't equal tasty. And I mean fudge the food, not Fudge the guy. But I know this because someone brought bourbon-fudge into work today. I ate some because they said it was rum, and I like rum. When it was really gross (even grosser than rum would be) I pointed out to everyone how the box said BOURBON in big letters for all to see. Now everyone is blaming their inherent stupidity on the "bourbon." I had a piece about 1-cubic inch in size, and I am not drunk. I did want to throw up after eating it though. It was really gross. Even more disgusting than it sounds.

The 90's station on the XM is quickly becoming my favorite, because as I'm discovering, the 90's were all about dance music. If I'm in a bad mood, at least I can hear some J-Lo or Britney Spears and dance in my chair. That's pretty fun. Also, I heard "The Macarena" today. I danced to that too, but not the actual Macarena dance. I was still in my chair. But it was still fun.

Ok, I think that's enough fudge-induced rambling for now. More will come later, and you all know it.

1 comment:

Suebob said...

I guess I have the opposite of paranoia about people talking about me, then.

I can never imagine why people would want to mention me when I am not there, so when people meet me and say "I have heard so much about you," I am always stunned and confused. I feel like replying "Why?"

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