Friday, August 07, 2009

Big bucket o' crazy

Like most unemployed folks, I've taken to perusing craigslist. I saw an ad for "female tv spokesperson wanted" so I was like damn, I can do that. I replied to the email and got a response that they would be holding auditions / screen tests on Friday. (This was Wednesday.) I got another email on Thursday asking if we could chat on the phone sometime between 7-8pm Thursday night. However, I was painting all day, so didn't get the email until like 11pm. I responded, sorry I missed you, blah blah blah. Then he responded today (Friday) saying "I'd like to do that phone call if you call me within the next hour." Of course I didn't get the email in time. I called & left a message saying sorry I missed you blah blah blah. I still had hope for this opportunity.

Then I got this email:
Ok, still pounding away on pre-production, if you need to call me call after 6:30 please, so, here's the skinny:
1. Try and be there around 7:40 p.m. (here are a mock interview sides and an overview for the MUSE - see attached)
2. We will do the interview with the same questions with each person in an avante gard fashion - lighting etc.
3. there are 3 songs each with a different twist - each will have a slide show happening on the green-screen behind me playing (see sample on YouTube channel - itsCARma1 - it's called Mermaid Song:
4. We see some pose type slow modern dance form and some syncopated foreground shapes - here is a song sample: SING

1. interview < edgy androginous punk to masculine sheik, glasses, props etc. are a goody
2. Mermaid < anything flowing (white or solid) that can be carried with a fan
3. MUSE < interviewer outfits
4. Sing < more librarian vamp + euro-tramp
5. MEND < surprise us

And that's it. The email in its entirety, cut & pasted. It made as much sense to me as it does to you. Just to be sure I hadn't blown a gasket, Jay read it too. Now we were both confused about what was expected of me. What the hell kind of outfits am I supposed to bring? I emailed back basically WTF? He called me and I answered. Before even saying "Is this Des? This is Tim." He said "This is the Asheville Zoning Commission. We understand you've been painting without a painter's cap."" Yes, I did tell him I was painting my new house, but that's still an odd way to start a conversation with someone you've never talked to before. We had this conversation: "You don't know I wasn't wearing a painter's cap."
"I've been watching you from afar."
"Hey, that's really creepy."

The conversation turned to some state of normalcy and I got some of my questions kind of answered. As for the outfits, he said "bring something that shows off your character." So I changed into my long flowy skirt & brown peasant blouse (you know, what I would - and do - wear for a regular day). I brought the outfit I interview for real jobs in, and a fun purple polka dotted dress. Remember, most of my clothes are still packed. Cut to around 7:30pm tonight, we head out. He had said initially be there around 7:30, then 7:40, so we figured this was good.

We arrive and out front there's a guy taking photos of a girl on a picnic table. This is him. I introduce myself, and he gestures to the girl, who has 2 fully tattooed sleeves. "This is Meredith, she's helping me out a bit." This makes it seem like she's his assistant or something. But no, apparently she is another auditioner. I get a few pictures taken on the picnic table and we head inside.

We're at the studio for Asheville public tv. The guy goes into whatever room to do whatever he needs to do. Jay and I make small talk with Meredith, and she seems ok. Then this other chick walks in, and is immediately stupid and bitchy. She speaks loudly to the room about how she got lost and her car is in another parking lot really far away and she doesn't even know who she's supposed to be meeting or why. I wanted to tell her that I've lived in this town a month and was able to fnd the place ok (I mean it's downtown!) but decide to just look at her confusedly instead. Then she says to the random guys who actually work at the studio "Hey friend, where can I get some water?" But she said it not like they were friends at all, but her servants.

So we're all hanging around, making small talk with each other and some of the studio guys. Actually that's a lie - Meredith is talking about how the brain stops producing lithium and that's why she's bi-polar and that's why she did cocaine for 9 years. She no longer seems like an ok person. The other girl is chiming in with her stupidity. I actually felt myself getting dumber just by sitting near her. I don't have any specific examples, but you all know people like that.

It is now about 9pm, and we haven't heard anything from the guy that's supposed to be auditioning us or whatever, except when he asked what other kinds of outfits I had. Apparently he didn't like what I was wearing. He told me to wear the businessy thing, so I changed. And sat around some more. When Meredith said "well my IQ is 178, so..." I decided that it was time for us to leave. I could have handled chatting with my "competition" if any progress had been made in the actual audition department, but there were 3 girls there and we'd been there for over an hour and a half with nothing happening.

So me and Jay went and got Chinese food, and I apologized for making him sit through that.


mar said...

um, that is weird.
you know, you don't have to keep finding situations that make for interesting posts. ;-p

Jbeeky said...

That is creepy! Make sure you flag that post, chica!

super des said...

If I don't find these interesting situations, who will?

And I don't know if flagging it would do any good (if it's even still there), since the date has passed.

flutter said...

what the flying fuck is that?

Count Mockula said...

That's wacky.

SUEB0B said...

Craigslist...what can I say?

super des said...

Suebob's right.
But it made for a damn fine story, that I'll never forget. (And maybe you won't either!)

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