Tuesday, April 08, 2008

mired

Hey, you know what's fun? Being woken up by an extremely loud phone ring (just minutes before your alarm goes off) to have an automated voice tell you that you haven't paid your student loan in 2 months. Add that to the credit card bills you've been skipping. Then think ahead to your sister's wedding in a few months which requires a $1200 trip. Then, just for kicks, call the guy you interviewed with last week so he can tell you that "the position has been filled" and even though you were sure you got the job, he couldn't find the time to let you know that. Maybe he shouldn't have promised to call you "either way."

This is a recipe for a wonderful fun day. And by "wonderful" and "fun" I mean of course terrible and depressing. You can spend the day moping around, because even though you really really need it, you can't even land part-time employment in a retail store, let alone full-time in your specialized field. You try not to think about it, but every time you open your mouth, you start crying. Your wonderful loving boyfriend and the wonderful loving dog (but not the cat because he doesn't even notice) try to comfort you with hugs and paws, but that makes you cry more because you are so glad they love you and so lucky that one of them has been paying your living expenses for 3 months and counting.

About this time, you might get depressed about being depressed. I mean, here you are crying in your pajamas all day, and it's not like someone died or anything. In fact, your family is still alive and well and wondering why you don't just move back home with them. (Answer: because moving across the country takes money, which is why you're in this situation in the first place.) But everything on tv seems to rub it in your face that you have no job, and no money, and one sketch on Mad TV even pokes fun at you for being depressed. Guess what? This makes you cry more.

You know you have things to do. You could go outside and play with the dog. You could make more jewelry to sell to hopefully alleviate a bit of the financial burden. You could finish that book you've been reading. You could play that Zelda game you were so excited about the other day. You could eat, because you've barely had any sustenance all day. But you're not motivated to do any of this. And that makes you cry more and become less motivated. You don't even feel like dyeing your hair, thus wasting the few dollars you spent on dye. How does that make you feel? If you guessed "more depressed" then you're right and you win some sort of happy fun sunshine prize (to be paid at a later date).

Don't even think about all the friends you miss, scattered all about the country. That will set you on a whole 'nuther spiral. Just live out your day with the occasional outburst of tears and hope that you will feel back to normal tomorrow. Heed your friends when they say it will be ok, something better will come along. Your logical robot brain knows this is true, but your emotional girl brain can't stand to hear it right now.

Maybe polish off that bottle of Pinot Grigio.

12 comments:

Average Jane said...

Sorry you're going through such a rough time. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it'll all work out soon.

One tip re: your student loans. You might look whether you can defer the payments. My husband did that repeatedly over the years until we finally came into some $ and paid them off.

super des said...

Yeah, actually I just got an email "reminding" me to pay, and also giving me a link to the deferment papers, which I have already submitted. So I'm guessing that will be ok. (The loan isn't even that big.)

Anonymous said...

Hang in there Des....keep pounding the pavement...you'll find a great job and all will be wonderful...
and be sure to give Jay a big hug for all he's doing to help get you through this tough time!

super des said...

thanks amiga.

and I give him big hugs all the day. He's a good boy.

Suzanne said...

Things will come together. You'll see.

super des said...

well I certainly hope so.

Arlene said...

Sounds like a case of new girl in small town syndrome to me Des. You are an outsider and locals don't hire outsiders unless forced to look out of state due to lack of local talent.

The answer is networking. Volunteer work is a good way to get to know locals. I know, that isn't any fun but it works. Get to know as many locals as possible, make new friends. Eventually someone will point you to a job.

It works but it takes time, even if you don't have the time to wait make time do it anyway while you are beating down doors and filling out reams of applications.

Happy hunting, try not to kill any prospective employers.

super des said...

Arlene, you are so very smart.

mar said...

i think yesterday was an all-around shitty day for a lot of people. meaning me. and you.
have you tried eating mac 'n cheese? that always makes me feel better. or maybe it's just the carbs. (i'm lacking sleep because my neighbor was loudly singing in spanish until midnight, so coherency may not be my forte.)
good luck on the loan deferment.

super des said...

mar, I totally ate mac & Cheese for dinner last night. And it did make me feel better. It was yum-diddly-umtastic.

mar said...

i am so glad you got that, des. i would've felt lost & adrift if it had made no sense to you.

super des said...

ha, ha,
I mean I hate mac & cheese. You're crazy.

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