friendship applications

Besides watching game shows, another little "hobby" I've picked up since moving to MI is perusing craigslist. It started out innocently enough, looking at job postings. But then my morbid sense of human nature took over and I started reading the "casual encounters" section. For those not in the know, this is the section where people want discreet, experimental sex. It's slightly less entertaining than the personals in the free papers, as those generally involve extreme fetishes, but it's something to do while the game shows play in the background.

Today I ventured into a new section, the "strictly platonic"s. These are people looking for others to just hang with. Truthfully, they are depressing. Not all of them, but some. There was one looking for a BFF because she doesn't have any friends except her husband and other friends she's had have hurt her. Still more common are SAHMs looking for some sort of outlet. Mostly there are women who have a husband or boyfriend that doesn't like to do things, like going to the movies or out to eat or anything that involves leaving the house. Ladies, I have been that girl. It sucks. It sucks big time, and it is really hard to deal with.

So why don't I answer these ads? I don't have any of my own friends here yet, and I do spend my unemployed days watching game shows and reading craigslist. Why not then? Well, I don't think I can magically be someone's BFF by answering an ad. (And why have all her past friends hurt her? Is it something she's doing?) I don't have kids, so the SAHM ads are out, as they are looking for someone for a playdate.

As for the girls that I once was? Well, even though I feel for them, a vast majority of the ads require pictures for the "applicant" to even be considered. Pictures? Since when is friendship based on pictures? I do not judge my friends on their looks, and I expect the same. Maybe some of my friends aren't glamorous model types, but the fact that they are my friends says that I think they are beautiful. I could be the coolest person in the world, but these craigslist people would never know it because they are accepting or rejecting me based solely on my outward appearance.

I will admit that there is something to be said for the snap judgment that is made upon meeting someone new. Maybe they are wearing a t-shirt of a band you also like, or there is some other obvious sign that you have something in common. Maybe they are doing something interesting with their hair and you like their style. Maybe you can hear them talking about something you might be interested in. There is always something that draws in (or repels) a potential friend. However, this is different than requesting a picture before a new friend is even considered. A picture is a moment in time. When you meet the person in real life, chances are they will be slightly different - wearing different clothes or even with a different facial expression.

The best way to make a friend is not to judge their appearance, but to get to know them. Talk to them. Read their writings (ahem). Just spend time with them. Guess what? I've made many a friend by exchanging emails, without having seen a picture. I've never once been disappointed when I finally saw what they looked like. I'm not that chick, but apparently these chicks exist.

You know what? I don't want to be friends with someone like that.