wedding adventures

Why is it that guys think the word "wedding" means a time & place to go hit on drunk girls so that they will sleep with you, even though you are a total loser?

I was at a wedding last weekend. Normally the stereotype is that some bridesmaid will get really trashed and disappear for a while with a groomsman. Well, I was a bridesmaid. Maid of Honor, to be exact. But, lucky for me, all the groomsmen (and all the bridesmaids) were attached to someone, so I didn't have to worry about being hit on. Plus, Craig was there, and we were very clearly a couple, as I spent a lot of time talking to him, hugging him, and sneaking the occasional kiss. We looked like this:


But this didn't stop some people. There was one guy (we will call him Creepy Landlord), at least 40 years old, that kept sidling up to me and making "conversation." Once he even pushed himself in front of my boyfriend that I was in the middle of talking to, to say "I think we met briefly earlier at the house, but we didn't get a chance to properly introduce ourselves." The house he referred to was the bride & groom's house. I'd been staying there for a few days because I was special. However, other people were also special (though not as special) and so they were staying there too. Plus there was a constant influx of friends and family visiting. So yes, it's very possible that Creepy Landlord had seen me there. I said so, bringing C back into the conversation by asking him if he remembered. I didn't really care what C said, so long as Creepy Landlord got the hint that I was taken. But Creepy Landlord cut C off and said "no, he wasn't there." I was like, uh, yeah he was, and then C and I walked away from Creepy Landlord.
If you're gonna hit on a drunk chick (or one that you think is drunk, because as we all know, des does not get drunk), don't be rude about it.

Then throughout the night, it was a dance party. Duh - wedding, dancing, it all adds up. I did my fair share of dancing, but I also did my fair share of sitting down drinking water because even after dark it was still really really hot. For those of you that know C in real life, you know that he's a dancing machine. So he was out there dancing up a storm, even when I was sitting down. No prob, C had lots of friends at the wedding, including *gasp* the bride's gay ex-roommate (who also played the role of bridesman). Here is a typical scene from the night:


Yes, they're on stage. So, because Creepy Landlord isn't the brightest crayon in the box, he assumes that anyone who dances and/or is friends with a gay man, must also be gay. So sure, I clearly came with that white boy, but he's gay so I'm free to sleep with anyone that hits on me. You wish, Creepy Landlord.

But while C is dancing and I am drinking water, Creepy Landlord again sidles up to me. "So, what species of bat is that on your back?" I can't hear him, and what he's saying makes no sense, so I have no idea what the hell he's talking about. He makes it clear that he's referring to my tattoo. "Oh, that's not a specie, it's just a generic bat picture. That's why there are no details." "Well I figured if I didn't ask now, I might not get the chance to later." (sidle sidle, creeping up closer). Ew. BUT, just then, C came back for a water refill. I grab his hand and he leads me to the dance floor, leaving Creepy Landlord still talking about my tattoo.

I manage to avoid Creepy Landlord for the rest of the night (while he's off hitting on another of my friends - unsuccessfully of course). Then just as we're leaving - meaning my ride is waiting patiently while I say my goodbyes - Creepy Landlord sidles up once again.
"So, are you still into philosophy?" WTF is he talking about? "In your speech, you said you and the Bride met in a philosophy class."
"No, I said a literature class."
"Oh well do you still have class with her?"
"No, that was years ago, and we've both long since graduated college."
"Yeah well I heard she was going back to school, and I thought..."
"Fine, I have to leave now, because my plane home to New York is leaving early in the morning." And I run off with C who has still been standing there.

That guy didn't get lucky that night. Gee, I wonder why.