letter to my neighbor

Dear upstairs neighbor across the hall,

I know you're really in to smoking weed or crack or whatever, but can't you do something about your smoke detector? It was going off all night, and was still going off when I left for work. It's kind of like that other time that the alarm was going off all night and the firemen had to break down your door to save your life. Craig is still waiting for his thank-you card for calling 911, by the way. The only difference between this time and last time is that there is less smoke in the hall this time and every so often the alarm stops for a minute. This shows me that you are conscious enough to do something about it, but not enough to stop it.

Here are some steps to help you along your way:

1. Stop smoking. OK, we all know that's not gonna happen.

2. Open a window. I know it's fucking cold outside, but when you're high you won't even notice. Plus, the smoke will actually leave. Opening the door does nothing except make the noise louder for the rest of us in the building.

3. Unplug the smoke detector. The building's alarms are very sensitive - they go off if you even think about using the stove. Ours is unplugged. But I understand your reluctance due to your brush with death last time that you don't remember.

Please note that this letter is not written as a concern for your safety; it is merely a note of annoyance to save my ears.

Yours,
des