Saturday Evening Post*

So, my brain is ok. I took the GRE, and I did well enough that I'm never going to take it again. So I'll tell you about my day.

I got a wonderful sleep, and took my time with breakfast and left extra early to get to the test on time. Fluster #1 came when trying to find the test center. I was given the address of 675 Third avenue, between 42nd and 43rd street. So I get to this block, which is a very short block indeed, and cannot find this address or anything that could be it. There is one door, that leads into an abandoned office, and is locked. Trying not to freak out too much, I call the test center and have the guy talk me to the front door. Guess where the front door is? ON 42nd street. Not on 3rd Ave between 42 & 43. ON 42. If they had told me that in the first place, I probably could have figured out. I think they do crap like that because they know the test-taker is already stressing, so adding this little bonus stressor will weed out the ones that shouldn't be going to grad school anyway.

Then there was fluster #2. The lobby had 3 doors. On either end was a big rotating door, and in the middle was a near-invisible regular door. There was a sign posted on what turned out to be the regular center door saying to pick up the convenience phone on your left (pause to look for phone) and tell the security guard why you are there. While I was reading the sign the security guard was waving me in. So I tried the first rotating door. Locked. Security guard waves me over. I try the next rotating door. Also locked. The security guard is telepathically conveying to me that there is a center door that I should walk through. My brain clicks, clicks, clicks, and finally I realize that the thing in front of me is a door. I walk through, and the guard has his checklist. "You here for a test?" I say "Yeah. Doh." and we both have ourselves a little chuckle because if I can't figure out how a door works, I shouldn't be taking this test. He wishes me luck, and I'm on my way.

I figure if the day's going this well, and I haven't even taken the test yet, I should start planning out another $130 test fee.

I get in there, and have to go through all this crappy security stuff to verify that I am des and that I'm not cheating and blah blah blah. Then I sit down to the test. The first section is essays. I rock at essays. That's what I do, man. So I actually use up all my time on both essays making sure I don't go off on too much of a tangent (because anyone who reads this blog knows that tangents are one of my super powers). I think they go well. Next comes the verbal section. This is the part that counts, because my future grad school will not care if a PhD candidate in CompLit can do math. Then comes the math section. I've been studying, dammit, and I think it pays off. I finally reach the end of that section, and I think I am done. My brain goes whooshing out of my head and I am essentially a zombie.

But what's this? Another verbal section? No! My brain already left! I glance at the intro, and the only line I read (luckily had been in bold) tells me that my scores for this section will not be reported. It doesn't sink in. Then the questions actually start, and there is a momentary freak out because it is in a completely different format, and I haven't studied this at all and omgI'mgoingotfailthetestwhatisthisothersectionsilentscream? To me, it felt like an eternity that I was thinking that, but really it was only about 0.256 of a second. Then I remember that there's an "experimental" section to gauge future test formats. According to everything I'd read, it was supposed to be a "secret" section that you didn't know was experimental - you would just realize you had 2 of the same section and try your darndest on both because you don't know which one wold be reported. (According to my sources, this is how the LSAT is as well.) But they told me this was the experimental section. So guess what? Since I had no brain and there were no consequences, I didn't care a rat's patoot. I got it over ASAP and left, still a zombie.

They tell you your verbal & math scores right away, after you decline the option to cancel. (The essay scores take about 2 weeks.) So I had my scores but I didn't know what they meant. I thought I did very poorly because both scores were very similar, so I assumed that meant that my verbal ability had sunk down to equal my math ability. Cue another freakout. I call Craig** hoping that he can look up my scores in the book to tell me what percentile they are, giving some meaning to my life. He's not there. Did he already leave to come meet me? Fluster #3 - now I have to go find a B&N to look up my scores because they are going to drive me crazy. But C calls back (he was in the shower because he didn't expect me to be done for another hour) and looks up my scores and assuages my fears because it's a lot better than I had first thought. Neither was as good as the one freak test (for each section) that had somehow given me a one-time spike in my scores, but they were both better than I'd been averaging in my practice tests. Like I said, good enough that I never have to take the test again.

At this point, des is still a zombie, and now the shakes have kicked in, so food would be good. We decide to try a new Thai restaurant. It was still early yet, so the restaurant was pretty empty. As a result, the staff literally hung out next to our table, which was more than a little uncomfortable. We also decided against the cocktails because they were a little expensive, so we got the house chardonnay. That was the worst wine I'd ever tasted. It could be described as horse vomit. Specifically, it tasted as if a horse peed, then drank his own urine, and then threw it up into a wine glass. Not good. The food wasn't super either. It didn't really have any flavor, even the peanut sauce***. But it did the trick.

We decided it was too cold to go a-bar wanderin', so we headed over to the movie theater to see Pan's Labyrinth. Unfortunately, it was not playing at that particular theater, and the only other one that looked appealing - Casino Royale - was not playing for another 2 hours. So we made the choice to go home and watch our current netflix selection, Dr. Zhivago. Here comes Fluster #4. This is what is described as an "epic" movie. Therefore it's like 4-something hours long. It would normally be on 2 discs, but since this is the netflix version, it is on one 2-sided disc. Both sides say disc 1. So we pop in what we thought was the beginning of the flick. Neither of us has seen it before, but throughout the 2+ hours neither of us will admit that we have no idea what's going on. Guess what? We watched the second half of the movie first. And now it's too late to watch the first half.

So that was my Saturday. A day of freak outs and flusters, but not too bad. The important thing is, I can throw away all my GRE test prep materials.




*No, there's no Norman Rockwell involved. Even though he can paint better than me (like that's a feat) I'm not such a fan of the scenes from the idyllic white-people life of the 1940s.

**I've decided to go back to using his real name because anyone who knows me in real life knows him, and anyone else knows he exists, so why hide it? Also, "The Boyfriend" is slightly longer to type than "Craig" and I'm a busy gal.

*** I'm never gonna find any Thai food or peanut sauce as good as Sephia's in Davis, so I don't know why I keep trying.