lessons in being the boss

If the entire office's computers are being shut down at 3pm, you should tell everyone only at 2:55. And if someone is on the phone - and I mean words are coming out of their mouth and going into someone else's ear - and they give you the "one second" finger,* keep talking anyway, because there is not even a tiny chance that they didn't hear what you were saying.

Then when that person asks you what you said and you just laugh, don't be surprised if they don't know the computers are being shut down that second. That's fine. They probably didn't have any work they were doing. At some point it will be ok to go back into the computers and continue working. You will make this announcement to the entire office, but be sure to go specifically to the person who had been on the phone and s-p-e-a-k v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y so that they can understand you, and ask them if they heard the announcement this time. It doesn't get your point across unless your voice gets higher and stupider like you are talking to a retarded child.

The employee will then reply "Well I wasn't on the phone just now, so yes, I heard you." and flip you off when you turn your back. At some point this same employee will call you a dick and quit. Don't be surprised when this happens. You earned it.


*This is different than the finger you are given later.