I've seen the light, and it is bad

What’s the deal with fluorescent lights? What’s the point? All they do is make everyone look like a swamp monster with an illness.

I can see the excuse for an office: they help you “see” better. But in my office half of the lights are off so when I walk into the bathroom (where they are super bright) I scream a little when I see myself in the mirror. Plus the constant fluorescent reflection off my computer screen is only making my vision worse, and lining my ophthalmologist’s pockets.

They are in dressing rooms too. This is such a bad idea because I’m in the dressing room with the intent of purchasing clothing. But when I see the clothes on me under the lights, that’s it. Not only do I not want to buy the clothes, but I feel the overwhelming urge to run to the gym and then to a salon for a makeover. It should be noted here that most gyms and salons do not have fluorescent lights.

When I leave my house in the morning, I am generally satisfied with my appearance. I put in a little effort. I am fairly certain that children and old people will not run away from me in terror. But then I see myself under the lights. Ack. Where did those bags under my eyes come from? If I’m wearing a fair amount of makeup, I look like a ghost because of my pale pale skin. If I’m not wearing enough makeup, I notice that I could really use a facial.

At my house I have lamps that simulate sunlight. They are bright enough for me to read or bead by, and they don’t make me look like a skeleton out for revenge. I move that all fluorescent lights be replaced by these nicer lamps. Think of the money saved on healthcare and cosmetics. Don’t worry about the economy – people will find other things to make up the cash.

So I hope you can read this, and that you can also not see yourself under the lights.