give me back my pen!

What compels a person to steal? To have sticky fingers? To borrow without asking or returning?

As of right now, I have “lost” my scissors, 2 pens, countless staples, paperclips, post-its, and everything else that is normally on my desk. I watch people do it. They come over to tell me something, suddenly remember something very urgent that they need to write down right that second, grab my pen, continue talking, and walk away. If I’m lucky, I’ll notice right away when I go to continue working and my pen is gone. Then I can usually catch them with my pen still in hand. If I don’t notice right away, my pen is gone forever.

It’s not like they are stealing my things for their own use. My things are being stolen to be lost in the void that is Missing Ball Point Pen Land. Example: I had (had) a purple pen. I brought it from home. I was the only one in the office with a purple pen. Everyone knew that if there was purple writing, it was mine. Then last week the President of the Company pulled the trick described above. I was working on something else that did not involve writing, so I didn’t notice until maybe an hour later. The President is nowhere to be found, and neither is the pen. I checked his office (without looking like I was snooping too much). No purple pen. The next time I saw him, I said “hey, you took my purple pen.” He said “alright.” Still no pen. It’s not all right. I’ve casually mentioned to several people how the President took my pen, but nothing. Still no pen. I want my pen.

This morning, someone pulled an elaborate trick. She came over to “ask me a question” and of course made the thing much more complicated than it needed to be (but that’s a whole ‘nother blog) and resulted in her cutting up a piece of paper with my scissors. Normally I would notice someone walking away with bright orange scissors, but I was so befuddled by her idiocy that I was just glad to be rid of her. And of course, scissors are not something I use every 10 seconds, so I did not notice for several hours. I marched over to her and had the following conversation:

You took my scissors earlier.
Did I? I didn’t even come over here after that! Where are they?
Well I went to use them, and they weren’t there. You were the only person to use them today.
Are these them? My goodness, I have such sticky fingers!
She then continued talking to the other people about how silly she is, and I walked back to my desk to find a cryptic note written on one of my post-its, undoubtedly with my pen. But not my purple pen, because I’ll never see that again. Even if it was, I wouldn’t know what to do about it because the note was unsigned. Since I had no idea what I supposed to do with it, I threw it away. Later someone will ask if I got their note, and I will have no idea what they are talking about.

So what have we learned today? 1. Don’t take things off of people’s desks.
2. Bring your own pen with you everywhere you go so there is no chance of “accidentally” losing someone else’s pen.
3. If you’re going to leave a note (with the pen that you brought with you) make sure its meaning is clear and you have signed your name so that if it is not clear, the addressee can bring their own pen to you and have it clarified.

To quote the great Bruce McCullough, "You've got my pen!"