shopping, or lack thereof

Yesterday was the day after Thanksgiving. Besides the fact that I had important video games to play, there was no way I was going shopping anywhere. Macy's was open at 6am. People were bursting through the doors when they were unlocked. This store is insane enough on a normal day - it has like 16 stories and takes up a whole city block. They have a shoe floor. A tie floor. A fur coat floor. I really try to avoid going there at all, let alone Black Friday.* My dad works at Sears. He had to be at work at 4:45am so that people could rush in the door at 5. My dad sells appliances. Nobody is rushing out on Black Friday to buy a new stove. You bet he was a-grumblin'.

I've decided that going shopping before the sun is up on the biggest shopping day of the year makes you certifiably insane. To heck with the Rorschach Test or the MMPI. The real test is simply this:

It's the day after Thanksgiving (using the term "Black Friday" might throw off results because it sounds so dire). Where are you at 5am?
a) in bed sleeping
b) on a plane home from a family visit
c) at the gym, burning the caloric equivalent of 5 desserts
d) waiting outside in freezing temperatures in the dark for the world's biggest department store to open because I have a coupon for $10 off that's only good til 10am

If you answer D, you are insane and should be locked away. Another acceptable answer is e) none of the above, because you are one of the poor suckers that has to work the register while the insanoes scratch and bite for the last Snoopy doll. For further validation, read this article from the Times. This is why I stayed home yesterday.

Even if I had gone shopping yesterday (because this is a parallel universe in which I am completely and utterly insane - more so) I would have been shopping for me. Macy's did have a good deal on a 6-piece luggage set. For just $50 I could have matching square luggage instead of my trusty giant green duffel bag. And I could have gotten it. I'm quite good at throwing elbows, kicking shins, pulling hair, and darting through small spaces. But that's not the point of Black Friday. You're supposed to buy things for other people. Xmas gifts or Hanukkah gifts or whatever.

I don't do so well at that. I can't force myself to go shopping and return with all my gifts purchased. My way works loads better. If I happen to be out, on an unrelated mission, I might see something and know that it would be PERFECT for Dean. Or I might be at home and have a sudden revelation: I should buy Hank a ____ ! Then I go buy it. Even better, I buy it online and don't have to leave the house. Or, if someone is new to my gift list, I sit at home in my pajamas and make them something pretty. The trouble with this last one is that I can't do it that much or else people will start dreading my gifts. "Oh great, another piece of jewelry from des."

So, I hope everyone had the same day as me yesterday; sitting comfortably in your pajamas at home wasting the day. If your place of employment was open, I hope you took the day off. If you were at a store, then you are insane.



*Why is it called Black Friday, anyway? Have there been a lot of shopping-related deaths on the day after Thanksgiving? I wouldn't be surprised, actually.