bathroom shenanigans

Here's what you would have seen if you had been in the theatre bathroom during the midnight showing of Sixteen Candles.

Before the show:
Some girl with her leg in the sink, getting her nice white pants all wet. You give her a strange look as you walked into the bathroom. This look turns into annoyance when you come out to wash your hands and she was still there. Of course, she took the middle sink, so you have to be next to her foot on the counter no matter what. She notices that she might be inconveniencing you, so she apologizes and tries to explain it by saying she got chocolate all over her pants. What is she, 5 years old? You utter a psuedo-sympathetic "oh no" and leave as soon as you can to go tell your friends about it. When you get back into the theatre, this girl is sitting in front of you telling her friends how funny she thought that was. Not the angle you had given.

After the show:
You're waiting in line for the facilities, when this same girl walks in. She sees the line and makes a beeline for the stall that everyone is avoiding. She goes in, shuts the door, and marches right back out. She grabs some paper towels, and marches right back in. When she is finished doing her business, she calmly walks out to wash her hands. She notices that the people in line are staring at her, wondering where she got the gall to cut in line. "There was no toilet paper in there." she says.


Now let me explain.
I was eating a chocolate ice cream bar. It was chocolate inside, and had a hard chocolate casing. This casing fell off in two large, unexpected chunks. Outside in the dark, I saw no signs of chocolate on my white pants. Inside the theatre, while trying to make myself as uncomfortable as possible, I put my feet up on the chair in front of me. It was then that Craig noticed the lovely dark brown stripe on my leg. So I do what any reasonable person would do, I run to the bathroom. How am I supposed to wash chocolate out of my pants (without removing them) if I don't put my leg in the sink? Sure, I could have taken one of the side sinks, but I didn't think of that because I'm a selfish bitch. The girl that came in was totally appalled at my behavior, but she didn't have chocolate on her pants. If she did, she obviously didn't care.

After the movie, I had to pee, as everyone did. I saw the line, and I saw that nobody was going into the last stall. Why not? No toilet paper. What unimaginative lame-os. Too bad there was absolutely nothing they could do. Rather than wait, I decided to go pee. The other stalls were being used, so I grabbed the next best thing. After I left, much relieved and before the others who were ahead of me, I noticed that my idea had caught on. But instead of using a paper towel, which wasn't so bad actually, they waited until they could grab TP from one of the other stalls. So they still had to wait, but not as long I guess. But since I was done, I left.

If I had seen me, I would have laughed and then blogged about it.