Lesson in F-word etiquette

Some of you may have noticed that I am a big advocate for the 2 F's.... Frying Pans and Firebombs. Let me explain the reasoning and proper use:

Frying Pans
-The perfect thing when some monkey is chatting away at you and you just want them to stop. -Good on repeaters, obvious observationists (observators), pointless storytellers (PSers), and stupid-question-askers (SQAs). Remember - there is such thing as a stupid question!
-Especially effective when you have work to do, and they are creating such an annoyance that you can't even ignore them.

Examples:

Observator: Oh my god! We're both wearing white pants! And yesterday we both wore white skirts! Isn't that funny?
KABONG!

Repeater: Did you get that fax fom Bob?
Me: I haven't gotten anything today.
R: But it was from Bob.
Me: I haven't gotten any faxes at all, from anybody.
R: Not even from Bob? I told him to fax it.
Me: No, not even from Bob.
R: But I told him to fax it. It's from Bob.
KABONG!
*note: cut this type off soon, because they will keep going on and on and on and on without managing to say anything new.

PSer: I had such trouble on the train today! First I almost missed it but they let me on, then we had to stop for a long time because they were having door trouble. The other day the train had door trouble, but I walked that day. I walk sometimes when it's not too hot. It's been so hot lately...
KABONG!

SQA: Did you dye your hair? It's a different color.
KABONG!
*note: it might take you a second to recover from the shock of what they just asked you. But you must recover quickly in order to stop them from continuing on their stupid question tirade, OR morphing into one of the other types.


Firebombs
- The perfect solution when you need something more permanent.
- Appropriate only for highest offenders.
- Suitable for eliminating entire business or large groups of people.

Examples:

A large group of tourists is blocking your way, chatting about how big the city is and what JimBob will think when he hears about it.
WHOOSH!
*note: Individually, these people would normally be handled via frying pan, but you don't have the kind of time required for that.

A business professes that it does not serve "your type."
Maybe they'll serve a big bag of WHOOSH!
*note: in this instance, firebombing is required for 3 reasons.
1. Judging someone by their "type," whatever that may be.
2. Assuming your "type" without even knowing you.
3. Putting aside the opportunity to make a profit because of their bigot-ness. This is America, dammit! We are capitalists! (Also applies to Canada and parts of Europe.)

***
If you notice that you have been serving a lot of frying pan to the same person, you may have to invent a Flaming Frying Pan. This is a combination of the above techniques. It will allow you to permanently rid yourself of a nuisance, while simultaneously singling out only one individual.

Thank you for reading, and I hope this helps.