thoughts on papercuts

Papercuts are stupid. I've always felt this way. They seem like they should be small and insignificant, yet they wield horrid medical emergencies. They bleed profusely. They hurt as only slicing your finger can. They cause great inconvenience to all involved.

As I type this, my left ring finger is bandaged. Instead of pretty green nail polish with pink sparkles, there is a big ugly off-white bandaid folded ever so neatly over the tip. Not only is it unnatractive, it severely inhibits my typing abilities. And before I washed my hands, my right palm had a corresponding blood mark from where I held my injury as I ran desperately seeking this bandaid.

God forbid, I was trying to put a big rubber band around a stack of papers. One of the papers decided this was not to be, and gave me a thrashing I won't soon forget. I grabbed the scissors and was about to make a snowflake out of the offender when it dawned on me that I would have to re-do all I had just done, not to mention clean up the blood that was flowing freely from my finger. I think the blood loss was making me slightly woozy, as I was not acting quite as sensibly as I normally do. I am not usually quite as rash in my decision making as all this suggests.

The worst of it is, I was at my own desk. I have always considered this to be a safe haven from the dangers of the world, but no longer. The other stacks of papers have all seen what can be accomplished with a bit of slashing, and I think they will use this information to their advantage. I may need to invest in a sturdy pair of gloves, but I fear this will inhibit my typing even more than the aforementioned bandaid. I'm going to have to brave it out.

Can nothing be done? Can justice not be brought? I have experienced intense mental and physical anguish at the hands of these fiends. I admit, I have not the strongest of characters when it comes to the slicing of flesh, especially my own flesh. But even the most gallant of men are brought to their knees when faced with this savagery. I've seen grown men cry like little girls. I've seen little girls cry like grown men. The world is that much crazier due to these outrages, these affronts to the human character, these misdoings and violations.

Something must be done. Can we not protect ourselves? Actually, why should we have to bend? Why can't someone invent a non-papercutting paper? (Ghandi Rules, can you get on that please?) This would solve more than a few of the world's problems, and make the world slightly more sanitary. Think of the waste saved in used bandaids, bloody tissues, and general unrest.

p.s. I love thesauri.