WANTED:
A person in real life to hang out with me. Must like going to shows (any type of music ok), watching and quoting stupid comedies, and sitting on the grass philosophizing. Must be available to give and receive advice, as well as pointless banter and the occasional hug. Must live in the NY area, or be willing to travel. Intelligent and fun-loving a plus. Age, race, religion, sexual orientation, gender not considered. Must work well with others in group social situations as well as one-on-one settings.
Hours:
on call 24 hours a day, with some allowance for vacation / sick / personal days.
Reply to:
this posting, or via email
Previous applicants considered.
Salary EOE.
Posts
Kedging Cannon
1 day ago
5 comments:
Dear Ms. Des:
I am interested in applying for the friend position advertised on your blog. I believe that my 27 years of conscious friend-making experience qualifies me for the position.
Over the past 20 years, my stupid comedy-watching and -quoting have become highly developed. Favorites include Bring It On, Party Monster ("oh James..." said in ridiculous nasal tone), and Varisty Blues ("I don't want your life," said in ridiculous Texan accent). I eagerly await the opening of Snakes on a Plane, which I am fairly sure is not an intentional comedy, but should be hilarious. However, standards are important to me. Please, no Ernest movies.
I also have experience sitting around bullshitting (see my blog), and it is one of the things I enjoy most. While I do not generally go to music shows because I am lame in that way, I do listen to others well and like to try and help my friends. In addition, I am always fretting about things and seeking advice from trusted pals. Reciprocity is good.
Others consider me intelligent and fun-loving despite my dorky tendencies, enough so to spend vacations with me here and abroad. Finally, I am flexible and can spend time with others in groups or alone.
Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to hanging out with you soon.
Sincerely,
Suzanne
Thank you for your interest in this position. Your resume and qualifications seem in order, so I will be contact you for an interview soon.
Regards,
the management
dammit I just realized how bad my grammer is in that last one. Er, um, I mean, hey look at that! *runs*
des, I too would like to be in the running as I, well you already know my resume...
Alright then. I approve.
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