a treatise on why I will never be elected President

You all know my stance on retarded people. I don't mean the ones that are tested and led to special schools and live a life fairly different from you or I; I've no beef with them. I mean the people that somehow make into normal society and are expected to lead a normal life.

Like my coworker that doesn't understand how hair clips work, and asks me to demonstrate every time I wear them.

Or the cashier that asks "Did you want to buy that?" when I place an item next to the cash register that he will be forever manning.

It was in Crater Lake that I first developed my proposal. For those of you that have not been to Crater Lake, it is just that: a lake within a crater. Once it was a mountainous volcano; then it blew up and became a caldera. The caldera filled with rainwater and melted snow, and has stayed that way for thousands of years. There is no river inlet, no stream to circulate the water within the Lake. It is a very deep hole filled with very deep and very cold water.

I wish I had drawn that picture using Microsoft Paint.

Anyway, we were in line to pay for our campsite when the people in front of us were taking their sweet time asking stupid questions of Booth Boy. For instance, they wanted to know where the trail was that led down to the Lake so they could go swimming (beach towels in hand already). When it was repeatedly explained to them that there was no trail, and you can't swim in the Lake, they just didn't get it. Booth Boy explained it a few different ways (Big cliff - fall down, dead) before somehow distracting them with something shiny so they would go away. AND one of them had a broken arm, in a plaster cast. So these people wanted to traverse the very steep mile-high vertical drop into the lake that was almost as deep, submerge themselves in snow that was only warm enough to become liquid, and do it all with a broken arm. I expect that they also wanted to live through the experience.

Which brings me to my proposal:
Booth Boy should have let them go. It would be a few less stupid people left in the world. Take down the signs that say "do not swim in lava." Remove the warning labels on everything that say "aim away from eye." If someone wants to drink antifreeze, by god, let them do it.

As long as they are hurting no one else with their stupidity, let them have free reign. Survival of the fittest at its apex. The population will drop, and those of us left will not be so annoyed all the time. If someone was not quite daft enough to completely eliminate themselves from the picture, there would be no lawsuits in which they were rewarded for this behavior. No, I'm not going to make McDonalds pay you millions of dollars. What did you think would happen when you ordered hot coffee and spilled it on yourself? But at least now you can't procreate. That's a long-term solution, anyway.

Of course, there would have to be a Body Patrol, to make sure that the remains of stupid people did not cause harm to the survivors. Clearing out roadways, extinguishing fires, etc. As for the rest of the bodies, they are environmentally beneficial. Soil becomes enriched, animals become nourished, and the cycle of life continues. As for the smell of decaying stupid-people carcasses, we would learn to get used to it. Until then, we can all wear those things under our noses that they use on tv shows like CSI:Miami. Trust me, the world will be a better place for everyone.

As any biology professor would tell you, there would be an initial drop in the population. This might be alarming at first, but over generations the population would even itself out and remain constant. Evolution would surge onward, even flourishing, without the crayons in the box that are less bright than the others.

As we see in this graph, stupid-related deaths would decline over time.

If I were to run for office, this would be my platform. Who cares about "abortions" and "gay rights" and "labor laws?" Eliminate the stupids!