Thursday, June 08, 2006

I don't know

I'm at work. The sky that I look at through my window is gray. There are helicopters flying by. There is a loud buzzing eminating from within the building. I'm looking forward to Saturday when I meet a friend, and Wednesday, which is my bday. I might go camping next weekend. But there is nothing to look forward to today.

As it is, I am not camping now. I am sitting unhappily at my desk, wondering if I should continue playing the video game I discovered yesterday, which subsequently took up more than half my day. Nobody is coming to see me, because they know I have work to do. This is fine because sometimes they ruin my chocolate-covered-espresso-beans-induced good mood with their idiocy.

There is slow, melancholy music on the radio, and I actually feel like listening to it. I am not feeling particulary down, just lethargic. It may be because of the music rather than because of my life today.

I should have a quest or mission in life. I think I might have one, but it has not yet been revealed to me. Until it is, I wander through a seemingly aimless existance, and write sentences that sound very dark. I should change the music. I have been possessed by a goth teenager, and that is not where I want to be right now. Even worse than a goth teenager is a goth adult.

I've changed the music. Now on is "Funkytown," but it was the end of the song and I did not get enough of it to force my funkiness out into the open. "Another Brick in the Wall." Feels appropriate.

Here is my horoscope:
If yesterday you were caught up in someone else’s problems, today you’ll be caught up in your own, thanks to the watery influences of the moon. This won’t be a negative day, but if you feel tempted to fudge the facts in order to get your own way think twice!
That doesn't sound encouraging, but at least it doesn't say "Today will be a day just like every other day." Today will somehow be different, but not in a significant way.

My physical hunger is a metaphor for my life. I ate breakfast, but it was not enough. Nobody ordered any food for me, so I did not get any more sustenance. I could order my own food, but I don't want to. I will simply have to wait until lunchtime, when I can eat my too small meal and read my too short book.

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