Wednesday, April 26, 2006


I can't concentrate today. I keep making all sorts of stupid errors and spacing out.

I would blame the fact that someone unknowingly switched me to decaf coffee (a la Kids in the Hall) but I haven't had any coffee for weeks, save when Liz was here. I scarcely think that my half cup to her daily 4 is making me spacey today.

Maybe I've drunk too much. Or not enough. I forget how it works with these things. All I can do is quote TV shows. (That last one is from Futurama.) This is a clear sign that I need to be at home zoning out, not at work.

I was thinking about the reasons that I need a new job:
Nobody listens to me because I am younger than they are. So even though I am the one that knows what she is talking about, they refute everything I say. Or, they ask me things I would have no possible way of knowing, and get frustrated with me when I can't answer. There is no in between with these people.

The person who did my job before me stopped caring before she retired. Thus, she made all sorts of mistakes that I am still fixing, and she trained me incorrectly on a lot of things. For this, I am creating more mistakes, which I will have the pleasure of fixing later.

There is absolutely no creativity in my job. All I do is continuously copy numbers from papers to the computer, and back again. I don't even get to decide what those numbers are. I can't even speak creatively because I don't talk to anyone, except minimally. It's hard when you can't relate to anyone around you, and they are even worse at relating to you because they have not been your age in 30 years, and have never lived the life you live.

This job does not pay me enough to live on. I almost think there is no point in coming to a place I hate every day when I am still creating a net negative balance monetarily. Certainly there are better things I could be doing with my time, even if they don't pay me more. Of course, if I found something I like that actually got the bills paid, that would be super.

The music on the XM is not helping me focus, either. All the stations are playing very mellow songs that are extremely conducive to staring blankly. Even "Whoomp! There it is!" which just came on.Though this one is a bit more "up."

I'd better publish this now, so that it doesn't go on forever.

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