Saturday, January 17, 2009

ode to my Dad

The last time I heard his voice, he was laughing.

He called to see if I "was a popsicle yet" and the conversation turned to doggie snow angels and the upcoming inauguration. I made a joke about President Bush (an Onion headline from a coupla years ago) and he laughed really hard. It was a great conversation, and I remarked on how good he sounded. It didn't occur to either of us that 6 hours later, he would be dead.

I got a call at 3am (midnight CA time) that my dad had had a heart attack. He didn't make it. Ironic that just months ago he had beaten cancer.

I spent the rest of that night crying in Jay's arms. I was scheduled to work the next morning, but found it really hard. I tried as hard as I could to keep myself distracted, but there was still the occasional breakdown. Thankfully I only had to be there for about an hour and a half before Kaitlyn came to cover me. I went home and curled up on the couch and watched mindless tv in between phone calls with my family. I was worried about how I was going to get out there, but luckily my stepsister Alesha had some airline miles she could use for me.

My BFF will be making 6+ hour drive from the Bay Area to come up and see me. I didn't ask her to, but I'm certainly not going to stop her (especially since Jay isn't able to come with). I am going to sneak off to stay in her hotel with her though because I'm sure being in the house will be a little hard, even with all my family there. (It won't be the whole time - BFF will only be there a coupla days.)

But I'm thankful for many things. Mostly that last conversation, but also that my dad and my boyfriend got to meet, and they got along famously. Dad always made sure to ask about Jay when he called, and "be sure to tell him hi from me." He didn't do that with my xbf. I am sad that my dad won't be walking me down the aisle when I get married, or meet his future grandkids from me. I know he'll be there in spirit, but it's not the same. He did get to walk my sister down, so I'm also glad for that. In fact, the last time I saw him was at my sister's wedding, which was a very happy event.

So if I'm MIA for a little while, you understand why.

18 comments:

LittlePea said...

Oh honey. I'm so sorry. So deeply sorry. I will say a prayer for your family...

Take care of yourself. And take all the time you need.

Amy Jo said...

I'm so, so sorry des.

Erika Jurney said...

Oh Des, I'm really sorry.

flutter said...

may he rest, gorgeous and whole, my sweet friend.

Holding your hand in your loss.

arlenestarr said...

I will remember him in my prayers. Be strong and proud des in his memory, and may God bless you and yours.

mar said...

so sorry to read this, des. i prayed for him when you posted his cancer diagnosis. i'll say another one now for you all to find some kind of peace.
glad you got in a great conversation recently and got to see him not that long ago.

Count Mockula said...

Oh, Des, I'm so sorry. This news made me cry. I hope you're okay and I'm glad you found a way to get to CA.

Suzanne said...

I am so so so so sorry Des. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help.

SUEB0B said...

Oh, sweetie. So, so sorry. Big hugs coming to you from me and Goldie.

one smarmy mama said...

my thoughts are with you, I'm so sorry.

followthatdog said...

Des, I am so sorry. What a horrible loss.

jessabean said...

I know I've been quiet for a while, but I'm still reading and I'm thinking of you. So very, very sorry to hear about this.

You and your family are in my thoughts.

Toastedsuzy said...

Des,

I very sorry to hear about your loss.

TS

Average Jane said...

So sorry to hear about your dad. I'll be thinking of you and your family.

mdog said...

des,

i have no words.

hugs from the next state over.

mdog

Jbeeky said...

Des,
I am so, so sorry. I am thinking of you and hoping you can feel the hugs and support.

Jill

Alex Elliot said...

I'm so sorry, Des.

Laura said...

Des. I am so sorry.. I cannot imagine what you must be feeling.
Take care of yourself....

lots of hugs.....

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