Monday, July 21, 2008

sometimes hypotheticals cross the line

Some dude was in the shop today. He had his trophy wife with him, who was apparently also his secretary, as she had to check his messages on his blackberry & then give me his address for something. Why couldn't he do this stuff himself? Because he was too busy envisioning a realty show for us.

There are shows about fishing boats, oil rigs, and motorcycle shops, so why not a hot rod shop? Makes sense. Please, Mr. Dude, expand on your idea. Would you show the witty banter between the guys as they work? Oh, you wouldn't! What's that? You would replace the staff with girls in bikinis, and they could pretend to weld & sand things? "The guys would still be doing all the work, just off camera."

Mr. Dude was soooooo lucky that my back was to him when he expanded on his wonderful idea, or else he surely would have been stabbed to death by the daggers that were shooting out of my eyes.

If a girl wants to be on a tv show because she's wearing a bikini, good for her. If you can make money by just wearing something, more power to you. Lord knows the reptilian-brained fellas will watch it, and probably pay money for the privilege. What gets my goat is that he wanted the girls to pretend that they were doing the work. Let us count how many things are wrong with that:

First of all, the guys doing the actual work wouldn't get any credit. And damn, they deserve credit because they are awesome. If there were bikini girls on the show with the guys, yes, I'm sure they would be overshadowed. But to be cut out completely while a pair of boobs "pretends" to do their job? Rarg. Are they going to replace me with someone more attractive too? I mean, I will wear a bikini if they pay me enough, but sitting in a leather chair in front of a computer for 8 hours in that getup would not be comfortable. Still, I would greatly protest my replacement by somebody in a bikini pretending to research parts and play scrabulous all day.

That aside, even if a girl does the welding and sanding and whatever else needs to be done in a hot rod shop (again, more power to her, because there are chicks that are grease monkeys), she would so not be doing it in a bikini. Sparks fly - it's just plain dangerous. And vibrations go a-thundering. Guess what? That wouldn't be attractive. So the fact that there would be replacement girls pretending to do actual work, and they are pretending whilst wearing bikinis, well, that sets off my inequality radar (inequidar).

Nothing this guy said is going to happen of course, because luckily my bosses are smart enough to realize that while scantily clad girls attract attention at car shows, having them pretend to do work does not a tv show make.

So anyway, that's the hypothetical that sent me off on a rant today.


Dee said...

I have an idea....let's put the guys in speedos ('cept for Frank of course) and film them doing the real work! I'd watch that show! Welding might be trecherous on the boy bits, I guess......


arlenestarr said...

I guess Mr. Dude has never seen these women in action:

Perhaps his wife/secretary might be better of if she went to work for them.

Actually I kind of like a take off on Dee's idea, Let's see Mr Dude in a speedo try to weld something.

Hell, if he'll pay my travel expenses I'll shoot the video footage myself!

super des said...

I like this idea. But would we replace the guys with more attractive speedo guys that pretend, or just use the regular shop guys that actually do the work?

SUEB0B said...

Dude, I KNOW how to weld. Arc welding gives you a suntan/sunburn in NO time. And I have gotten hot slag in my bra and let me tell you, it can make you ruin a perfectly good weld.

What a moron.

mar said...

why does it not surprise that suebob knows her way around a welding torch?

super des said...

Because Suebob is super awesome!

Suzanne said...

I would not watch a show with bikini chicks pretending to weld. I would absolutely watch a show with Suebob and the guys from your office welding. See, real reality is SO much more interesting than fantasy reality.

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