Sunday, February 10, 2008

super des strikes again

Apparently I need to be wearing tank tops all the time. I do, normally during the summer, but right now it is February in Michigan. Frickin cold. But that's why I have nice warm coats, so I can be toasty warm when I go outside, but remove my layers when I am settled at my destination.
The key is my super awesome tattoo. Tank tops have this wonderful ability to show it off, and I become Miss* Popular.

This happened last night when we ate dinner at the Black Lotus Brewery, which is my new favorite place. There was no live music like last time I was there, but I still had a rockin good time. Here's what went down:

When we arrived, the waitress came over to take our drink orders. They didn't have my new regular, the Honey Hemp Ale, which is very tasty even for a non beer-drinker like me, so I ordered something else. Apparently the waitress was spending more time concentrating on my pretty flowers than on the order because she went back and told the rest of the staff about me. I didn't notice this because I was busy concentrating on having to pee. However, on my way to the bathroom to take care of this urgent business, 2 waitresses (waitri) stopped me to "check out my ink." Dark Haired Waitress (names have been changed to protect the innocent) showed me her tattoos, which did involve the slight removal of pants, and tried really hard to convince me to go to the Motor City Tattoo Expo next month. Then she promised to give me the card of her tattoo artist. I took my chance to thank her and run away to the bathroom, before everyone was less impressed with my coolness because I was about to pee on myself.

I went back to my seat, and was periodically visited by Dark Haired Waitress, Blond Waitress (who also was in charge of bringing our food and drinks), and new addition to the group, Male Waitress, or "Waiter." They took turns swarming around us, until we had all shown each other all our tattoos. Blond Haired Waitress seemed a little reluctant to share hers because it was faded from her adventures in a tanning salon, but we saw it eventually. Waiter even took the liberty of moving my shirt strap a little so he could see the penguin better. Soon Dark Haired Waitress showed up and plopped her pink phone down in front of me. She didn't have the card for her tattooist, but here's his number. Then she walked away to continue working, and I remarked to my dinner companions how very odd it was that this chick trusted me, a complete stranger, enough to leave me with her cell phone.

I copied the number into my own phone, for when I do need to get more tattoos. Of course, that won't be for some time as I don't have a job yet. Why don't I have a job yet? Didn't I have an interview yesterday before the excitement at the Brewery? Why, yes, yes I did. However, it was the lamest interview ever. The Pharm Manager just recited memorized standard form questions at me. "What was your favorite job that you ever had, and why? What was your least favorite job that you ever had, and why? Tell me about a time that a customer asked you to do something illegal, and how did you respond. Tell me about a time that your supervisor asked you to do something illegal, and how did you respond." (At this point I had to deviate from my lame-ass standard form answers and break the news that none of my supervisors have ever asked me to do anything illegal.) There were several more questions along this vein, and then I had to take the stupidest skill assessment test ever invented. "If you need to give someone $7.68 in change, what bills would you use for this?" This went on for about 20 minutes, answering incredibly mundane multiple choice questions. By the end of the "interview" I had already decided that I wouldn't cry if I didn't get this job. Then on the way to funner and better things, I realized how damn far away the store is from my home, and decided once and for all that I would not be working there.

So in order for me to continue impressing my new besties at the brewery, I will have to find some other means of getting money so that I can get new tattoos. Oh and also to fund my eating and drinking at the brewery. It was made very clear to me that they expect to see me again very soon.

* Notice it's Miss Popular and not Mrs, because I did not marry into this title. I earned it all on my own. Go me!


Deedra Climer Bass said...

Welcome to Michigan! I moved here a little over a year ago from Tennessee - needless to say I havne't been warm since. Could you share the tattoo guy's studio name? "The time has come..." and I don't know where to go up here. You may not be close but I figured it was worth a try..


super des said...

Ryan at Eternal Tattoo in Clawson. The website doesn't have a gallery of his work, but the 3 tattoos I saw in person were all very nice.

viciousrumors said...

You have very succinctly ( I think I spelled that wrong, but am to lazy at this moment to go look it up) captured why I HATE job interviews. I hate the bullshit of questions that prove nothing about how you would do as an employee and I constantly want to just answer the questions with real answers: "Why do you think you would make a good employee?" "Because I have done this job before, probably for longer than you have and I would show up. More importantly, you'll be paying me. That's key here."

Job interviews suck. At least you didn't have to take one of those lovely personality surveys like Wal-Mart uses. Those are soooo fun.

super des said...

Exactly. Although one of the questions was "why is it important to be to be on time to work?" which is the closest she got to finding out what kind of employee I would be. You know, from my standard form answer.

Count Mockula said...

A five, two ones, two quarters, a dime, a nickel, and three pennies!

Oh, sorry, retail flashback.

super des said...

Wow, and you did it even without multiple choice answers!
I think you'd be overqualified for this job.

Anonymous said...

I was thinking that you should work at the brewery but unfortunately, even though you'd be surrounded by the cool tattoo people, you would still have to deal with asshole customers (think back to your Barnes & Noble stint).
P.S. I discovered this weekend that books on tape seem to soothe Benny on a car ride. He was quiet almost the entire trip. I still haven't figured out if he likes books on tape in generaly or if he just likes hearing about Michael Jordan. Next time you have to travel with Mecru, it might be worth a try:)

super des said...

There's no way any place could have the asshole customers that B&N did.

And Mecru was very calm in the car, so I don't think he needs any lessons on Mike. Though I have noticed that as long as the people in the car are talking normally, he is better. So maybe that's a factor.

might I add...? said...

I loved this post!

...specifically, the waitri/male waitress as well as your explanation of why you are Miss Popular.

Thanks for bringing a smile to my face today.

super des said...

That waiter / waitri thing made me laugh out loud, so I'm glad you liked it too.

Suzanne said...

You should become a tattoo model. Yes.

super des said...

I totally should. Have your people call my people.

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