Tuesday, January 29, 2008

des does nothing

I don't do anything, since I've moved to Detroit. Well, I don't do anything worthwhile. I roll out of bed long after Jason leaves for work. Then I get up, make some coffee, and watch game shows. Sure, I provide essential services to the dog, including petting him and letting him out to make yellow snow and fill smelly plastic bags. On occasion, I also do these things for the cat. I've applied to maybe a total of 4 jobs, and worked on a necklace that still isn't finished. I might unload and reload the dishwasher. There are still lots of boxes to unpack. But I don't unpack them. I check the mail.

It kinda sounds like I'm doing stuff. Then contrast me with Jason. Yesterday, he woke up early to go to work. When he came home, he put together my new dresser (yay walmart for less than $100!), did laundry, cooked dinner, and lord knows what else. What did I do during this? Continued to watch tv.

So I'm kinda feeling like I bring nothing to the table. I have no job, so I can't even pay bills. I can't go look for jobs because I have no car (and can't afford a car because I have no job). Sure, the dog needs to be walked, but has survived fine in all those years I wasn't here to do it. Maybe when I finish the necklace someone will buy it, but it still won't be that much money. And, pessimist des, most of my other jewelry for sale hasn't sold so why would this one? Besides the fact that it is taking For.Ev.Er. and I am hating it.

I don't want to become stay a loafer. But I also can't help but feeling very useless. It's a familiar feeling... when I first moved to NY from CA I felt that way. Then that developed into depression. I'm determined not to let that happen again, because man, it wasn't fun. But right now I'm just not very good at using my time for anything productive.

And now it sounds like a pity party. It really isn't. I'm just venting.

20 comments:

Jay said...

Baby. You bring plenty to the table. Hell you're the reason I havent happily let things totally fall apart around me. You've turned my apartment into an actual Home. Thats about the best thing anyones done for me and I dont know how to thank you.

super des said...

jeez, how can I get depressed with an argument like that?
<3

Suzanne said...

And that's the point of a partner. Even though you are not bringing home the bacon now, you are bringing other things into the relationship. And one day things might flip, and I am sure that you will be happy to provide for Jason.

Shit, I will never (assuming all is going well) not rely on Justin for income. Ever. And its weird and hard for me to deal with personally, and I often feel totally useless, but he doesn't see it that way at all. He sees me as his partner who tells him jokes and finds fun things to do and sometimes finds meaningful work that also pays, but not always.

Don't let it get you down, honey. Things will work out.

mar said...

right now, s feels like he's depending on me for a lot of things, like using my car (thanks for crashing it, babe!), but i can't ever express how having him there when i was in the hospital in september kept me sane (except for the parts that the medication was making me insane & weepy).
like suzanne said, it's a give and take and the fact that your jay realizes that makes him a pretty darn good catch!

super des said...

well today he brought me a dozen roses when he came home from work. Didn't help with my usefulness, but they smell good and are pretty.
Oh and they made me feel better.
:)

Count Mockula said...

I am going to tell an unrelated story about making yellow snow.

Two years ago when we went to Yosemite, we took the sophomores on a long snow hike. None of us were properly outfitted, and I stayed behind with several of the girls who were struggling. At one point we all had to go pee. In an effort to be delicate, I said that I needed to "make yellow snow," and said I was going over the hill, but would be right back. It took them a few minutes to get what I meant, but when they did, they all agreed that it was time to make yellow snow, also. They crouched behind various weedy bushes, and we all stayed hidden until everyone was done, then caught up with the group. Those kids are seniors now, and still occasionally reference "making yellow snow." Dorks.

Arlene said...

With all this time available to you why not learn to play a musical instrument and join the band?

BTW: Bass players are hot!

SUEB0B said...

I know of what you speak. When I moved in with the exMrS, I had no job for about 5 months...he was cool with it but I was totally at sea. I felt like I had become a juvenile again. People would say "So what do you do?" and I wouldn't know what to say.

Relax. We all know you are a hard worker, smart and competent. You'll get settled before you know it.

super des said...

Count, I love that story. I was a little worried people wouldn't get my meaning.

Arlene, I *have* a bass player (yum!) and will probably learn to play his instrument. That sounded dirty, but I stand by it.

And Suebob, thanks. I heart you.

Alex Elliot said...

Hey Des, it hasn't been that long at all. Enjoy your time to yourself now because before you know it you'll find a job. Why not give yourself time to unwind now?

viciousrumours said...

Sounds like you may need to check into the fabulous world of telecommuting. A computer and a phone line and *BAM* you're employed. Fairly easy gig to get, pay is decent and you don't even have to leave the house...best part? Flexible hours. Might be useful until you find something permenant outside the house. Just a thought.

Listned to some of your man's music tonight. Very Syd Barret-esque. Nice stuff,the kind of thing one could write poetry to on a dark snowy night.

Anonymous said...

Hey Des,

Don't worry, I have a job and I'm still totally useless:) Suzanne kindly forwarded the Urban Dictionary's definition for "reverse telecommuting" to me: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=reverse+telecommuting. I used to just call this work. Frankly, all my job is to me is a place that I have to get up too early to go to in order to get bad coffee, internet access, free long-distance, free office supplies and to socialize. Game shows would be a much more productive use of my time. However, if I didn't pay my bills online at work, I would actually have to write checks and mail them and if I didn't have my job, where would I get pens and envelopes?
-Steph

Jay said...

Steph, you could just pay bills on the library computers and shoplift from Staples. Fun! And Visious? Thanks. ;)

Jay said...

I totally cant believe I spelled vicious wrong.

super des said...

oh, VR, that's your answer to everything ;)

Steph, that's how my old job was, exactly. I guess game shows aren't so bad in comparison.

jessabean said...

Hmm...so I'm guessing public transportation isn't as great in Detroit? (I've never been, so I don't know.)

I'm sure you'll work out a job eventually. Besides, after a series of crappy jobs, you don't want to be hasty and rush into another one, right?

Still sad I can't see you next time I go to NY. :(

super des said...

no public transport is as good as NYC's. And I'm not *in* the city of Detroit so there are even less options. There are buses, but I don't know where they go or what.

And you'll just have to come visit me here!

viciousrumours said...

*laughs* I KNEW you'd get the joke in that. And I hope it made you smile a little. Just remember, I'm home most of the time during the day too, so if you ever need to chat, drop me a line and I'll pop into messenger. Daytime televison will suck all the smart right out of you, well, except for Judge Judy....that's just good ole' fashioned redneck entertainment!!!

super des said...

there was a Jerry Springer episode called "king fu hillbilly." I really had to resist watching it...

Jay said...

Judge Judy is such a crotch.. although she did give me one of the best comebacks of all time with "don't pee on my leg and tell me its raining"

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