up to bat

I like when people go up to bat for me. For some reason, when I don’t like someone I unconsciously compete with them. I think it’s to prove to myself that I am better than them, and thus worth liking to myself. So the things that come up in conversation are me sounding like I’m trying to compete, which makes me hate myself, so I avoid it. But when a friend is there to back me up, or to present the argument, then I have no problem. My friend has validated me in a way, proving to the guy I hate that not only am I telling the truth when I brag about myself, but I have friends because I’m awesome.

An example: I was once at a party with Craig where I knew nobody. Somehow I got engaged in a conversation with Mr. Hoity-Toity Harvard Medical School. I know this is a hard school to get in to, but you don’t have to “casually” bring it up in conversation. Normally I would have walked away, perhaps spilling my drink on him, but it came up that he was doing research in genetics. Before I switched to literature, I was pursuing a degree in genetics. This is a topic I’m interested in and knowledgeable about. But Mr. HTHMS didn’t want to hear anything I had to say, because I don’t go to HMS like him. I was about to claw his eyes out when Craig stepped up to bat for me. He explained how I had switched majors not because it was too hard, but because I needed to work a full time job while in college. Unfortunately for me, mommy & daddy couldn’t afford to send me to Harvard, and thus could not afford to pay my rent.* Mr. HTHMS was still smug, but I felt better because I was justified. And nobody got punched in the mouth.

Another example: This one actually happens all the time. Ill see someone with cool hair or cool jewelry and compliment them on it. Sometimes they are receptive and nice, but sometimes they are snooty and why am I even talking to them? Depending on how they act, my friend might say either “oh, des just had that color hair before she dyed it black” or “des your hair was way better when it was that color.” or "des makes jewelry too" or "the necklace you made me was way prettier than that one, and more complicated too." This makes me feel all snooty because I’m not being a “poser.” I’ve been dying my hair non-stop since I was 13, and I make jewelry for lots of people all the time. So those other people are stupid.

I know these are stupid trivial things to compete about, but sometimes there is no way out of it (like at a party). As I’ve mentioned, I love self-esteem boosts, and there’s nothing better than a friend going up to bat for you. And of course, I always bat for my friends as well.

* Even if they could have afforded my rent, they wouldn’t have paid it for me. This actually helped me in the long run, giving me experience my classmates didn’t have.