work-related angry letter

Dear lady from an unnamed engraving company,

I am so mad at you.

Why do you call here, yell at my receptionist, demand that I be paged, and refuse to leave a message? When I finally do get ahold of you (because you call every half hour), why do you then yell at me for "not keeping my promises?" Hello! You're in Hickville, Kansas. I'm in New York City. It takes several days for mail to travel from one to the other. I said I would mail the check on the 12th, and I did. You are mad because today is the 20th and you have not received said check. So you are holding our order, and calling the guy who placed the order to tell him what a bad business we run.

There's no way you could have gotten today's mail yet. It's barely 1pm NY time. KS is at least 1 hour behind us. But no, you can't wait for today's mail. Even though I point out to you that this leaves only 4 mail days (excluding Sundays and holidays) you are still demanding that we cut a new check and overnight it to you. You are holding our shipment hostage.

So I do it. I go through all the steps required. No sooner than I click the "ok" button than you call back. "Des! You'll never guess what! Today's mail just came and your check is in it!"

You are retarded and mean and I hate you.