A discussion came up about bridesmaids and groomsmen. What’s the rule there? If someone puts you in their wedding party do you have to reciprocate? If this is the case then Craig already has 3 groomsmen lined up, and I’m approaching my second bridesmaid. And does Best Man / Maid of Honor carry more sway?
It’s nice to think that you will already consider putting someone in your party before they ask you to be in theirs, but this is not always the case. People make new friends and lose touch with others. Some people never get married. Some marry more than once. Can you put your married friends into your party if you weren’t in theirs?
I think I will write an etiquette book, and this topic will be discussed. However, I need your input because I sometimes think that my idea of etiquette is skewed from what “polite society” considers good behaviour. I may pose other questions to you as well regarding this.
Posts
16 comments:
I was asked to be in a wedding for a girl i could barely stand. when she asked, i literally turned around to see if she meant me. it sucked because one, i did not really think we were close. two, i had jst had my daughter. and three the other two(Bridesmaid and maid of honor)did nothing. and since i am "crafty" i made favors that were quite intricate for both the shower and wedding. So, not only did i not say no, but i overcommitted myself to a wedding i did not want to be in. needless to say, that friendship faded to oblivion. it was mostly my fault for not keeping my bitchiness in check. and so you don't think i am crazy, the other girls came up with the idea of favors, only to leave it all up to me because clearly i love that stuff.
so, the moral, ask only who you want. it is your wedding, you know your close friends. I believe i was only in her wedding b/c my hubby was asked. and, the reason he was asked....get this....so the groom's tux was free. damn, why did i not say no!
That goes back to my post of yesterday... You're "crafty" so if you're in the wedding, of course you'll help with favors. Conversely, maybe they wanted you in the wedding as "payment" for your help.
My boyfriend has also been in a wedding because I was in it, but I have the feeling we were both "extras," similar to the free-tux deal.
A very good friend of mine only had family in her wedding, but less than a year later she was asked to be the maid-of-honor in another girl's wedding. No one really though it was a big deal until the bride started making snide remarks about how her maid-of-honor better go way over the top with everything since she wasn't even in her wedding.
Can you follow that?
Anyway, long story short, everyone ended up hating on the bride because she was so mean to our (and her) friend.
Additionally, I had an obscenely huge wedding party (8 on each side). So far, only one of the five who are married has asked me to be in her wedding. She was my maid-of honor. I'm totally ok with that.
What I'm getting so far is that it should NOT be reciprocal, and only shallow-minded bitches think it is.
I have to say I'm in agreement.
Don't worry about 'polite society' and just do what you feel comfortable with. If you want to get technical, though, bridesmaids are traditionally suppossed to be unmarried so if you were someone's bridesmaid-then that means that she is now married and it would be inappropriate for her to be yours unless she is your best friend in that case she could be your matron of honor.....blahblahblah...this is why I eloped
Be careful though-my sister had a "friend" bully her into allowing her to be a bridesmaid and then she made my sister's life hell by complaining about the dress and putting her hair in a strange 'do' and strange makeup for the photos while everyone else had frenchbuns like they were asked. And my sis was not a bitchy bride she's a softy-too shy to say anything....this was also why I eloped....
I would never allow anyone to bully me into it. In fact, that would get them completely dis-invited from the wedding.
Really traditionally, bridesmaids are there to distract the evil spirits from possessing the bride. That's why they wear the same dress - to confuse the demons. So really I should be basing my choice of bridesmaids on how closely they resemble me...
Though if she resembles me, I resemble her, and therefore it is like reciprocation.
A male perspective, if I may?
Ask anyone to be in your weeding party that YOU want to have. The odds are, that most people would rather eat glass than be in a wedding party anyway, unless there are going to be lots... and I mean lots of single, available people at the reception.
That was rather coarse, I know... my apologies.
I watched Bridezillas with my wife and I saw things that we men aren't supposed to see.
Thank you, I did appreciate a male perspective, especially since this conversation started between myself and a male.
My wedding would never be like Bridezillas. I don't "do" stress like that.
I say pick whoever the hell you want. Anyone that gets offended by not being chosen is someone I would jettison from my inner circle anyway. I have zero tollerance for those who get offended.
Or you could be like us and just have a best man and MOH.
Or you could go even further and be like me and my man -- it was just us. And the lady at the county clerk recorder's office. My parents and our two best friends were present. The end.
Gunfighter is right. No one really wants to be in a wedding party.
So ask people you hate. Or strongly dislike. Revenge is sweet or something..
If I combine your rules, I should invite nobody... because I hate them.
My sister had a woman in her wedding party and then was not asked to be in the girl's. I think she was relieved to not have to spend the time and money.
I say fuck ettiquette and tradition and do what works for you. Although I will never speak to you again if you don't ask me. (Just kidding, of course.)
Well Suzanne, you didn't ask me to be in your wedding (even though we had not yet met). You should have planned for that.
That's just the kind of budding bitch I am!
If I had to have everyone who'd ever had me in their wedding in mine, my wedding party would have been too big. I think people were happy not to have to spend the money and I love when not asked. Have who you want and don't give it a second thought.
Post a Comment