In just over 7 months, one of my best friends is getting married. I have the honor of being her maid of honor. I’ve never been MOH before, and there are only a select few that I would do this for. Incidentally, assuming I ever have a wedding*, I hope these few will do the same for me.
In March I am making a trip out to CA to help perform some of my MOH duties (read: cake tasting). With the reality of this situation quickly sinking in I have begun writing my speech / toast. (Nobody ever said I wasn’t prepared!) I recall other great MOH speeches I’ve heard and try to emulate them. For example, the MOH at my friend’s wedding in November made me cry. I’m going to steal the opening line of her speech.
I haven’t physically written anything down yet, because whenever I get to a certain part in my head (about 2 sentences in) my eyes start to tear up. If I’m crying now, this early, at work by myself, I know that I’ll be bawling at the actual wedding. I’ll be lucky to get any intelligible words out.
What I need is some sort of anti-cry drug. I would take just a little before my speech, leaving room for moist eyes - but not runny nose - because I don’t want to appear an emotionless robot. At a wedding, at least. Don’t get me wrong – I am normally a robot. I could probably actually use the drug other times too. Damn hormones. In fact, that might be the reason I cry at the speech. No. No, it’s because my friend is getting married and I have to “send her off.”
So anyway, the drug. I know there are things like nasal sprays to dry up a runny nose, eye drops for red eyes, magical creams for the puffiness, and even Prozac to upswing the mood. But that’s a lot of steps for something that might not even work. I want a new drug** that will physically stop me from crying like a little girl. I still want to be able to feel feelings, just not express them in sad ways. Happiness I still want to express.
Yeah, so could someone get on that please? I need it by the 1st week of August. Thanks.
* Actually, scratch that. Even if I never do get married, I’ll still invite them over to wear pretty dresses and have fun.
** Insert Huey Lewis song here. Or for a more fun yet less sensical time, insert Weird Al version.
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Kedging Cannon
23 hours ago
6 comments:
ha! Good Luck with that. I can't help you out- The only drugs I know would make emotions stronger. Do people actually take pills to help them not feel?
I'm glad I'm not the only person in the world who remembers that song...
I imagine people take pills for all sorts of things, even if it's not what they were prescribed for.
That is so sweet! I know that you will give an awesome, amazing, thoughtful, and touching speech. And you will be perfectly intelligible. Even if you bawl.
Can I get that in writing please? Oh wait that is writing. I should print this out and carry it with me for encouragement.
I'm impressed that you're thinking about the speech now! I wish someone would invite me along for cake tasting. I may have had a friend of two "have a baby for me" so that I could get more formula coupons. Perhaps I need a friend to "get married" for me :)
It's wonderful to weild this kind of power. :)
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