and you thought religious guys were nuts

There was a Subway Preacher on my train this morning. For the uninitiated, Subway Preachers (SPs) are an amusing breed of transient, riding the rails while loudly warning commuters of the dangers of Evil. Often they have a bible in hand, but sometimes they hold another book, like a handwritten notebook. Sometimes they recite the bible from memory. Often they just spew craziness. Of course, this is the most amusing type.

This is the type I had a few feet away from me this morning. He was very loud while trying to Save us from evils like Holland (they want to legalize bestiality AND sex with animals!) and mothers that put their babies in the microwave. From what I could gather from the speech, these people all belong to a club for Those That Love Evil And Hate Righteousness. I thought I might try to insert some logic into Insano’s speech because I couldn’t quite concentrate on my book, but I realized he wouldn’t notice at all. Other people were making snide comments; in response to the microwaving-babies thing (which made me laugh out loud – but not because I’m for microwaving babies) someone said “Instead, we’re killing ourselves going to work to support them!” and the SP didn’t miss a beat.

Then I started taking his speech to heart. I am surrounded by people that Love Evil And Hate Righteousness! Luckily everyone on the train was Saved, so I didn’t have to worry about them. But what about the others? How can I know that my boss isn’t having sex with animals? I think the guy at the coffee store might be microwaving babies. Surrounded! So I’ve come to spread the Word.

There might be other dangers besides microwaving babies and having sex with animals. The people who Love Evil And Hate Righteousness are up to some dirty tricks. They might be washing the whites with the colors. Leaving the water on while they brush their teeth. Buying unrecyclable products. Putting puppies in blenders. Sacrificing river fish to the aliens, allowing the aliens to control our thoughts. There’s no limit to the possibilities of horror! O Lord, Save us!