I'm tired and it's all Neil Gaiman's fault

I learned several very important lessons last night. If you are going to an author’s talk / reading / signing, especially an author that is known as a “cult comic hero” (according to the free paper) there will be a high percentage of ultra-nerds, so you need to get there early. I mean really early. It doesn’t matter if you have a job and you are not nerdy enough to get the day off because you only found out about the event 4 hours in advance; half an hour is not early enough because you will get a yellow wristband. This means that you can’t have your book signed until after the checkered wristbands, and then the blue wristbands have all gotten their books signed first. You will still be ahead of the pink wristbands, but that doesn’t matter because they will all leave and not even try to get their books signed. Most of the yellows will leave too.

You will, however, get to hear an awesome author speak and you can be inspired by him. You will also get to buy a 1st edition of his new book – which, sure, you could buy in a store – but it’s still fun. You will also realize that you’ve already spent all of your money until next Thursday. But while you are trying to rationalize waiting for 4 hours to get your book signed, you will have time to ponder many things.

You will realize that the experience is one of a kind, and even if you don’t get your book signed then you will always remember that you got to see the author when you bought the book. As you sit in your semi-uncomfortable chair and look at the line of people wrapping the entire perimeter of the auditorium, timing it, you will see that it is about 1 minute per person, per signing. You will compute the wait time for yellow wristbands to be about 4 hours, and it is already almost 10pm. You will not want to wait that long because you have to be at work tomorrow and still have things to do at home tonight.

Your boyfriend will be a voice of reason and list all the reasons that you do not need a signed book. They will be as follows:

1. You’re not going to sell the book. It is not an investment.

2. You now live in one of the biggest cities in the world, where book signings are a nightly occurrence. Chances are, this author will be around for a while and will return to do another signing, at which point you can bring your now-new book.

3. The Barnes & Noble managers are parading the line, giving out post-its which are used for writing your name to set in front of the author so he doesn’t even have to look up when he signs your book. You will not get a chance to tell him how much you appreciate his work, or that you want to be like him. Besides the fact that you are in a room full of aspiring artists / writers, he will not even remember that you have the purplest hair in the room (and there is a bit of competition, for once). This will not be a bonding experience, a special moment, between you.

So, while you will be a bit disappointed, you will also be realistic. You will leave, book unsigned, and still get home at 11pm. You will then make your lunch and catch up on your blog writing and reading, and get to bed around 12:30. You will not want to wake up at rainy 7am, but you have to go to work. Thus, you will be tired, and it will be all Neil Gaiman’s fault.