another reason I need a new job

It’s been brought to my attention that a cockroach was seen scurrying across the floor at my work. You can tell it was not in my area because you did not hear me scream or see me run by. This is getting to be too much. I love my little Lunchroom Mice Friends, and there is the occasional office rat that I have never seen. I am fine with rodents. I enjoy them. I would delight in seeing them. Cockroaches? Not so much.

I’ve mentioned my cockroach “thing” before, so I won’t go into it too much. Suffice it to say that cockroaches are the dwellers of my nightmares*. If I know, or even suspect, that an area has been infested with these horrible insects, I hallucinate. Spots on the sidewalk, shadows, pieces of trash all turn into cockroaches and I see them try to sneak up on me. I scream involuntarily, and by the time anyone realizes what I’m screaming (Cockroachcockroachcockroach!!!) I’m already a mile away.

So now I am no longer safe at work. I must take refuge in my nice new, clean, apartment which you can guarantee is cockroach-free.. Surprisingly, I’ve never even seen any in my neighborhood, which is why I can still walk through it. But I can’t walk through it to go to work. No more. Besides the health risks, I must now live in constant fear of cockroaches crawling on me or looking at me between 8:30 and 5pm, Monday through Friday. I must stay far far away. The world really is forcing me into seclusion. My dream of becoming a reclusive writer is being forced upon me.

*I once had an awake-nightmare that involved cockroaches, that I may tell you about sometime as part of my state-enforced therapy.