stories, lists, and footnotes

Yesterday the newspaper had those money tips that it repeats every so often. It said that rent should be only 30% of your after taxes income. A person making $50,000 a year should pay no more than $850 a month.

1. I'm screwed.
a.I make much less than that and pay much more than that.

2. NYC?
Show me an apartment for $850 a month.
a. It has to be livable.
b. It has to be vacant so I can move in.

I don't know why I was reading that. It angrys* up the blood. I do the same thing on imbd with movie "goofs." People list the stupidest things having to do with continuity, like "in one shot the fork is on the left side and in the next shot it's on the right side" or "first he has his hat on, then his hat is off." Those make me incredibly angry because they are so stupid, and you're stupid to look for them. And I'm stupid for reading them, knowing that I have my feelings set already to "anger".

They are making a movie in my neighborhood. It must be about poor people. Anyway, that's not something I realized would be an annoyance when I moved here. Why is it an annoyance to see movies being filmed everywhere I go?
1. I don't actually see any filming. Just orange cones and "no parking" signs and giant RVs.
a. If I still had a car**, I would be pissed because I wouldn't have any parking and would be paying more parking tickets than I already was.
2. I have not yet been offered an acting job, which I deserve.
3. I have not yet met any celebs, which in certain cases, would be a tiny little thrill for me.
4. I can't think of another reason right now.
5. Oh - yes I can. Tourists.

I don't even know what any of these movies are, so I can't watch them and tell people to look for my house. They filmed that movie "Outbreak" near my hometown when I was little. Everyone knew. People would see Dustin Hoffman in Safeway. Watching the movie in the theatre, you would hear "There's my neighbor! There's Fred's truck!" That was really funny for me, especially since I had somehow managed to keep all of my neighbors and trucks out of filming. I was that guy in the audience that could pretend that the movie was filmed in a mythical land far far away, and that I didn't know that the "hospital" was really the Ferndale Bank.

Someone put a thermometer in the unventilated elevator at work. Presumably this was to show management how hot the unventilated elevator is, so that management can continue to not ventilate it. I feel compelled to look at it, even though I don't need a number to tell me it's hot. My pouring sweat tells me that just fine.

Here's why I hate summer:
1. It's damn hot.
a. In winter you can keep putting on more clothes, but there's a limit to how much you can take off in the summer.
2. I don't get summers off.
a. Ask me about this next year when I will be a mad grad student***. After that, I will be a teacher.
3. Shoes.
a. Sure, it's fun to wear flip flops and open toed high heels, but they hurt my feet.
b. I have the best winter boots. They are warm and fuzzy and vegan. Sure they are comfy, but if I wore them now, I would melt completely away. Boots and all.
4. Pajama Days. Stupid and pointless in summer.
5. Hot chocolate. Not as good on a 90-degree day.
6. Lots of other reasons.


*I know that angrys doesn't seem like a word, but I didn't like the way "angries" looked because I thought you might think I misspelled "angers" or that angry is the noun and this is the plural. It is used here in the present tense verb form, which according to the desctionary****, is allowed.

**By the way, if you want to buy an awesome mini cooper, you should go here.

*** A mad grad student is on the way to becoming a mad scientist. Unfortunately, I will only be a mad literature professor.

**** At some point I should write down the desctionary and put it on the internet for all to see and learn from.