shopping spree

Here's what I bought this weekend:
1. orange hair dye
2. neon green nail polish
3. 1 white dress
4. 11 books

Now I will explain why.
1. I wanted orange hair. Now I have it. Of course the people at work are stupid about it: What color is your hair? Orange. No, it's flamingo! No, it's orange. You look like a flamingo! Flamingos are pink. I know that. (And yes I am aware that some flamingos are more orange than pink, depending on their diet because their pigmentation comes directly from what they eat, but no flamingo is the bright "electric lava" that my hair is.)
2. All the nail polish colors I had were boring grown-up colors like browns, light pinks, and maybe an adventurous red. Boring.
3. I was dress shopping with my friend who is taking the better part of a month to go to Spain and Mexico. I didn't want to be left out, so I found a cute summer dress for less than $30. Of course, I don't get to wear my dress somewhere fun like she does. Other than Brooklyn, I mean.
4. Add a gift certificate to one of the largest bookstores around + used books + bargain bins = only $16 of my own money spent. Not counting the original cost of the gift certificate which technically did come out of the bank account that I share, but it was a gift, dammit!

In between these purchases, we tried to cross the street at Union square. A taxi decided that was not the correct thing to do and tried to kill us, while the driver yelled "faggots!" at us. I politely explained to the driver why this made perfect sense for the following reasons:
1. Of the group that tried to cross, Craig was the only guy. The rest were complete strangers, but still women.
2. Clearly we were all homosexuals.
3. Homosexual men are known for crossing the street in front of taxicabs.
Therefore, the driver was surely justified in his yelling slurs at us.

P.S.
I'm going to a taping af the Colbert Report tonight. If you watch that show, look for me in the audience. I'll be the one with the bright orange hair. Pending multiple bright-orange-hair people, I will be the one I didn't beat up.