adventure in South Dakota

Somebody has been reading my blog from Wall, SD. I passed through Wall on my trip cross-country, and today that memory was revived movie-flashback-style. I'm writing it down today because I realize that I haven't spoken much about out month long adventure. This is because in CA I wasn't a blogger. I had other means to occupy my time. When I got to NY, I didn't have a computer because I was home all day minus a computer (Craig needed it for "school"). So here goes, almost a year later.

I am mad at Wall, South Dakota. After you leave Mt. Rushmore, which is in the western part of the state, there is nothing. Nothing. No, I take that back. There are bugs. Enough bugs to cover your windshield and luggage rack so thickly that you can't see, and have to stop at every single gas station to clean them. And since there is nothing but bugs, the gas stations are few and far between, evenyually forcing you to buy a jug of windshield cleaner and a pile of rags so that you can stop every hour on the side of the road. This is only necessary for those of us that like to "see" while driving.

Then, there was a sign. You know all the spoofs on tv and whatnot about NEXT SIGN 30 MILES and 30 MILES TO SOMETHING NOT EXCITING? This is what they are based on, and they are not an exaggeration. 300 MILES TO WALL DRUG. That was the most exciting thing to happen in all of SD. Every 50 miles or so from then on (I measured them and they were an equal distance from each other, but I don't remember what the measurement was) there would be another sign. X MILES TO WALL DRUG. Wall Drug was beginning to sound very exciting. The campaign was working on me.

As the number of miles got smaller and smaller, my excitement and anticipation built and built. Was I really only 5 miles from Wall Drug? Oh my gosh, I think I can see it! Yes! Yes! There it is! Wall Drug! However, as I was not driving that stretch, it was outside my power; Craig was not lured in as I was. We drove past, not even batting an eyelash. Excpet for me. I was waving and frantically trying to take pictures. Craig wouldn't turn around. We had to get to Lincoln at a decent hour, after all. We didn't succeed in this - as Tristen can tell you - but a stop at Wall Drug would have only made us later in our Nebraska arrival.

I have since been told that Wall Drug has good coffee and pie. Bumper stickers that say "I've been to Wall Drug" that I never would have put on my car anyway. (I saw one of these bumper stickers recently on a work van in Manhattan, and I fell on the ground laughing.) But I still feel a little pang of regret every time I think of Wall Drug. And I think of it constantly. I think I'm becoming a little obsessive. Wall Drug, why have you forsaken me?

I'll never go back to SD. I've come to terms with this. Instead, I will have to imagine the inside of Wall Drug for myself, as a wonderful fairyland stuffed to the brim with candy and magical treats that make it all worthwile. When people tell me otherwise, I clap my hands over my ears and close my eyes and say "la la la la la la la" until they give up, frustrated, and leave me alone forever.

And to you, Oh Reader From Wall, SD, please don't judge me harshly. Don't correct me or reprimand me. Just explain to me how there is a "town" surrounding this store. Or simply confirm my belief that you must be a giant bug because that's all I saw near Wall, SD.

Actually, the theory has just come to me that Wall Drug is really just a means of trapping innocent tourists to feed the vast population of Very Large Bugs. Craig must have known this, and it's why I lived to tell the tale.